Missing
by Loopstagirl
Summary: Alan isn't the only one suffering after the Hood's attack. But unlike with the youngest member of the family, no one notices the haunting of another brother. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - Nope, still own nothing. *sigh***

**Another huge thank you to Bee, what would I do without the world's best beta? **

**Laurie-Ylalen, you wanted a John fic, you've got it! This is for you!**

**This is a bit different from anything I've written before, so feedback is much appreciated!**

Opening his eyes, John couldn't help but stare at his ceiling in confusion for a few moments, his brain taking a moment to work out why he was on the Island instead of up in Five. With a sharp intake of breath, the memories came flooding back. The missile... the Hood... trapped... Alan... the Bank... Sitting up so suddenly his back protested at the movement, John found himself breathing heavily, desperately trying to reassure himself that all was well, that the family were all safe and the Hood would never be able to hurt them again.

Swinging his legs somewhat shakily out of bed, John leant forward briefly, trying to calm his erratic heartbeat. As his back protested again, he eventually forced himself to his feet with a sigh. According to Virgil, he was lucky. A somewhat minor burn was situated across the lower part of his back, hence why any movement was proving to be more troublesome than it technically should have been. He had managed to dislocate - and then realign - his own shoulder as well, meaning that Jeff had declared he was placing his second-born on sick leave. Technically, John knew he was well enough – physically at least – to be back on Five, and had even tried telling his father that.

What he couldn't deny, however, was the rush of relief that had hit him the second Jeff had flatly refused. John had always loved the stars: before he could walk and talk he had apparently been watching them, lapping up the tales his father told him about living among them. Since he had started school, it was the only thing he ever had dreamt about. One teacher had commented that the young genius could have any job he wanted within reason, his quick mind making short work of any problem that was put his way. But there had been only one job that John had in mind, and NASA had been more than happy to accept the son of the legendary Jeff Tracy, even if they had firmly insisted that John got in on his own merit. With the setting up of IR, he had everything he had ever wanted. He could live amongst the stars, almost full-time.

But right now, nothing gave John greater nightmares than having to go back to the isolation of his 'bird, cut off from the rest of the family, vulnerable. He knew that Alan had been feeling left out, but at least the family had accepted that and were now doing anything they could in order to try and help their youngest member once more find – and accept – his place, both within the family and within their organisation.

But the same could not be said for his older brother. Oh, John knew his place well enough. Underneath Scott, where he had always been. Scott and Virgil were close to each other, heck, the pair of them could almost read each other's mind. And despite Gordon and Alan drifting apart over the years, there could be no denying that the bond between them was still as strong as ever, even if it was slightly buried these days. But who was it John turned to? They all came to him when they needed him to negotiate peace, translate a language, even help with homework. But who did he go to?

Shuddering slightly, John crossed his room, pulling open his balcony doors and stepping out, his bare feet immediately curling up slightly at the coldness of the floor. Hugging his arms across his chest in order to try and preserve a little warmth against the cool breeze that was wafting teasingly around the island – unusually cool for this time of year - the blond sighed deeply. He knew his place in the organisation as well. Out of the way. Deep in space on his own, where the only contact he had with human kind was the daily report to the rest of his family.

Stepping further out, John rested his elbows lightly on the railings, gazing up into the heavens almost out of instinct rather than any desire to look. He had the map of the solar system imprinted on his mind; he had done since he was about eight. He could name every star, their distances from the earth, everything anyone needed to know, and more. He had to, that was where he lived. Even now, there was some part of him that was longing to be back up there, seeking the solace that he knew waited for him in his 'bird, the steady whirring of the machines blending into the background of his life.

Forcing his eyes from the sky, John let them rest on the ocean instead, the rhythmic movement of the waves immediately drawing him in. He could see what it was that Gordon loved about the ocean. It was one of the few things he had in common with the most energetic Tracy, the appreciation for something natural. Right now, he would rather Gordon's passion than his own. At least Gordon's didn't leave him isolated from the rest of the world. Even gazing at the ocean, however, gave John access to the stars, their reflection winking tauntingly at him.

Turning away, John moved back into his room, adamantly turning his back on the outside world and drawing the door closed behind him, sagging against it with something that could resemble relief when it clicked sharply, signalling that he was safe in his own room again where nothing could touch him. Blinking sharply as tears suddenly swam in his vision, John sat down on the edge of his bed, gripping the sheets tightly in his clenched fists, almost welcoming the pain as his shoulder throbbed its protest.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't return to be the Space Monitor, trapped alone in the sky, having to wait for a rescue that might have never arrived if the missile had struck only a few inches over to one side. Brains had pulled up the footage, analysing the damage. And he had echoed Virgil's previous statement about John being lucky in an almost awe-struck voice, sounding as if he couldn't comprehend how something had come so close to destroying one of his beloved Thunderbirds. Drawing in a sharp breath, John knew that he had to say something to his father, had to let the man know how he was feeling.

There was part of him that knew the rest of the family would be furious with him for feeling as if they had forgotten that he was their brother and son rather than just another member of International Rescue. But for them to be able to pierce him with their wounded looks and hurt gazes, they first had to know. And that was something John knew he would never be able to say. Not out loud, anyway. He would look at them laughing together, automatically smiling whenever anyone looked his way, refusing to meet Scott's gaze whenever his older brother seemed to be getting close to working out what was eating away at the younger man. But he would never once open his mouth and voice the thoughts that were tantalising his mind.

Finally managing to get his breathing under control, John sat up a little straighter, looking around him and trying to reassure himself that he was home. For a few moments, he simply sat there, trying to banish the thoughts that were plaguing him. Eventually though, he remembered that something must have drawn him from his sleep. Whilst his own nightmares had been causing him to be restless enough anyway, John knew that was not the case this time. This time it had been something else.

Standing up, the astronaut sighed deeply, crossing the room in just a few steps and pulling the nearest tee-shirt from his dresser. Shrugging it on as he opened his door at the same time, John knew precisely where he needed to go.

Stealing down the darkened corridor, he soon found himself outside his youngest brother's room. John wasn't the only one suffering from the nightmares; Alan was being plagued more than the rest of them put together. John wasn't surprised though, they couldn't even hope to understand what the kid had gone through. It was killing them all, especially John, to see him that broken up. He couldn't remember the last time he had had a proper conversation with the fourteen-year-old without an emergency calling him away, promising to phone back, but not doing so for many hours. If Alan thought he was cut off from the rest of the family, it barely did the distance between him and his other blond brother any justice.

Pushing the kid's door open, John was not in the slightest bit surprised that Scott had beaten him in there, his arms wrapped around Alan, murmuring soothing nonsense in the boy's ear. Virgil was also there, sitting on the edge of the bed, running his hand soothingly up and down Alan's leg, Gordon hanging hesitantly to one side, clearly not sure what he could do that his big brothers didn't already have under control. Noticing the door open, he immediately turned and locked eyes with John, his own pain and frustration spiralling deep within.

Despite feeling like he was cut off from them, John knew immediately what he needed to do in order to help Gordon. He still was part of this family, whether he felt like it or not, and they needed him. Beckoning him over with one finger, John smiled tightly as Gordon immediately did as he was told. As soon as the redhead was in reach, his older brother stretched out an arm, looping it over Gordon's shoulders and pulling him in close. Personally, John was never one for physical contact, something else that worked so well with him being up on Five, but Gordon had always gone for the spontaneous hugs, and John knew that was what he needed right now. Pushing aside his own discomfort, John held on tight, trying to portray how much he missed them all in that simple action.

"Scotty, you're still here?" Alan's voice, whilst quiet, immediately made John's heart clench. The kid sounded so young, so desperate. He could remember the days when he had turned to their eldest brother to simply make things right again, and as Scott drew back from Alan in order to look him in the eye, he knew that the kid still had that faith, despite his attitude suggesting otherwise. Any teenage rebellion Alan had been displaying when he first had returned home seemed to have vanished after the attack, a slightly clingy boy emerging instead. Brushing his thumb over Alan's cheekbone, Scott smiled reassuringly.

"I'm still here, Sprout. We all are. Look, even John's home."

Meeting Alan's gaze and attempting to mirror Scott's reassuring look, John gently untangled himself from Gordon, muttered some excuse and sped from the room, missing the silent interaction between Scott and Virgil as they watched him go. Even now, he had no idea what was getting to him so much. Maybe it was Scott's words.

"_Even John's home."_

Almost as if he wouldn't be if he had the choice. Not really caring where his feet were taking him, John felt himself break into a jog, desperate to put as much space between him and the rest of the family as possible. From craving their presence again, John suddenly found himself wanting to be on his own, wanting to get away from it all. Pushing open the doors, John strode purposefully down onto the beach, finally appreciating the breeze blowing gently over him, almost as if it knew he needed the embrace he couldn't accept from his family.

Mulling over Scott's words, John had to wonder whether there was any truth in them. Was he home? Was this truly where he belonged? He loved his family to pieces, he would do anything for them in an instant - and John knew that was why he had to return to Five, had to carry on as if he was fine. They had their hands full trying to patch things up with Alan; the sooner normality came back to the family, the better. And normality for the Tracys meant one brother being space bound.

"Johnny?"

Jumping violently, John turned in time to see Virgil emerge from the darkness, concern etched into his features as he padded silently along the beach to where his brother was standing, a quick glance at the incoming tide allowing him to judge how much time they had before they were forced to move. Coming to a stand still next to his brother, Virgil reached out a hand, giving John's shoulder a gentle squeeze, but leaving it at that. He knew how uncomfortable the older man was with physical contact, there was no need to go any further than that.

"You alright?" Virgil asked softly, trying to study John's face by the moonlight and stifle a yawn at the same time. For John, it just showed how much the Hood's attack had disrupted their lives. Normally nothing could drag Virgil from his sleep, but now he was up at the smallest whimper coming from his youngest brother.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" John muttered, forcing a small smile out as he turned away from Virgil, staring once more out to sea. He was glad that the stars were not reflected from this angle, for he was not sure whether he would be able to hide his shudders from his younger brother, and that was certainly not something he wanted Virgil to witness.

"Shouldn't you?" Virgil shot back without missing a beat, knowing that John was attempting to avoid the question. Realising that the more artistic brother was not going to let it go, John instead headed for the one topic of conversation he knew would get Virgil off his back for at least a few moments whilst he thought of an answer that would satisfy the medic's curiosity.

"How's Allie?"

Sighing deeply, it was Virgil's turn to glance away this time, running a hand through his already messy hair in a way that clearly portrayed his agitation to his brother.

"He's still holding out on us about what happened. Dad won't say anything, claiming that Alan needs to tell it in his own time, but how can we help him if we don't know what the kid went through?"

"Hey, hey, hey," John immediately soothed, his role as Virgil's big brother coming to him naturally. It didn't matter how he was feeling, not when there was a brother in need of comfort. As with Gordon, John knew that he simply had to put everything else to one side.

"You are helping him, Virg. You were in there tonight, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but..."

"You heard what he asked Scott: he's scared of being on his own. You're doing all you can, kiddo. Do you want to get back to him?"

"With Scott in there?" Virgil responded with a slight laugh, turning back to his brother and smiling gratefully at John's reassurance. Only managing to meet his eyes for a moment, John quickly looked away. He was worried that if he stayed locked in Virgil's penetrating gaze – one he had clearly picked up from Scott – he would crack. And that could not happen, no matter what.

"Good point." John knew exactly what Virgil meant. With Scott determined to chase away Alan's demons in the way he had always done, no one would be able to get near the boy, even with a ten foot pole to keep Scott out of the way. For a few moments, silence fell across the two brothers, John adamantly looking away from Virgil's searching gaze. Eventually though, Virgil sighed somewhat irritably.

"Are you ever going to answer the question?"

"What question?" Attempting to buy some more time, John could sense more than he could see Virgil's eyes roll in the dim moonlight.

"John!" Virgil exclaimed, sounding more than exasperated as he turned to face his brother once more, moving in front of John so that the blond had no choice but to look directly at him. "Are. You. Okay?"

"Fine." John responded, shrugging casually as if there was nothing going on with him. "Worried about the Sprout, but fine."

"Bullshit."

"Virgil!"

Slightly surprised by the bluntness in Virgil's voice, John stared at his brother. He couldn't deny that he was feeling worried now. They couldn't find out how he was feeling. The family had enough on their plates without knowing that one of the older members was feeling left out like a little kid. But there had been a note in Virgil's tone that was rarely heard from the artist, and John knew that it could potentially spell danger.

"Tell me the truth, John."

"I'm _fine."_

"You're lying."

"Virg, drop it."

"So there is something wrong?"

"No! Virgil, please..."

"C'mon, Johnny," Virgil said quietly, now almost sounding like he was pleading with his brother. Taking a step forward, he looked up into John's eyes, and, seeing the conflict spiralling within, made up his mind. He was not leaving this beach until John had said what was wrong - and considering how fast the tide was coming in, it would leave him in a very awkward situation if John didn't open up soon.

"What's so bad that you can't tell us? Can't tell me?" His tone was soft now, and knowing that Virgil wasn't going to break the eye contact, John turned away himself. Resting his hands lightly on his hips, he took a few steps towards the water, kicking out at the waves when one dared to come too close. Despite receiving a wet foot for his efforts, there was something satisfying in being able to lash out.

"Would you have noticed?"

"Noticed what?" Taking a few steps closer to his brother, Virgil paused again, unwilling to make John feel crowded. If John really was going to tell him what had been plaguing him over the last few days, Virgil wasn't going to push his luck by making his brother feel crowded.

"If I hadn't come home."

"John!"

Swallowing hard, John adamantly refused to turn at the hurt tone in Virgil's voice. _This _was what was so bad that he couldn't tell his younger sibling, and it was taking every ounce of his self control to not just instantly try and comfort his brother in the way he was used to doing every time he heard that tone of voice.

"How can you even think that? Of course we would!" Virgil's cries simply made John sigh heavily, lifting his head once more towards the heavens in order to fix the stars with his accusing stare. It was all their fault! If they hadn't ensnared him at such a young age, he knew he wouldn't be feeling like this now.

"We?" John questioned, determined to get some answers once and for all. The gap between them seemed to stretch out for all eternity as Virgil waited with baited breath to see where John was going with this. Alan may have distanced himself from the family, but that had been done in a way that made it clear to everyone what was going on. John had managed to do it subtly. It was going to take more than Scott telling him it was alright in order to make this better.

"'We' as in the family? Or 'we' as in the rescue organisation? Would you have noticed that you were missing a brother or that you were missing a space monitor?"

"John, where has this come from? You know the answer, I know you do. You're our brother; of course we would miss you. It's more than that; we would be lost without you, we would be destroyed!"

"There lies the problem then," John responded softly, his voice so quiet that Virgil barely even heard that he had spoken at all. "Because you _are_ missing a brother, one who hasn't truly come home - and none of you have noticed!"

And with that, John turned and strolled down the beach, going in completely the wrong direction considering the speed the tide was coming in. Virgil stood frozen where he was, his breathing becoming more shallow and frantic as he tried to process what John had just told him. How could they have all been so blinded by what was happening with Alan that they'd missed how John had been feeling?

Staring out after his brother in desperation, Virgil let his mind wander over the last few days. When was the last time he had had a proper conversation with his brother? But he knew it went back earlier than that. John made contact with the island on a somewhat regular basis, reports of the world's crises keeping him busy. But when was the last time that one of them had bothered to establish contact with him for no other reason than seeing how their brother was? As John's silhouette was consumed by the shadows of the cliffs, Virgil finally found that he was able to move again, despite the cold hand clenching around his heart. He wasn't sure what he should do, but he knew someone who would. After all, it wasn't just Alan that turned to Scott to make everything better again.

Turning on his heel, Virgil felt like he had never run as fast as he did right now, pelting back to the house as fast as he could, nearly crashing into his father in the process. It just showed how much of a mess the family was in: it was almost three in the morning, and yet they were all wide awake, tackling the demons that should have been banished during daylight hours. Hell, they shouldn't have even taken hold to start with, not the way John's had. There had been something pleading in his eyes, something begging Virgil to say that he was imagining the gap that had sprung up between them. And his younger brother had not been able to, for he knew it would have been a lie.

"Virgil, what are you doing, son?" Jeff asked, eyebrows raised in incredulity at the state of his panting son. He had gone to get a coffee after realising that the rest of the boys were all in Alan's room, and that he was not needed in the way he used to be. Now that he was up, however, he was certain that he was not going to get anymore rest until his sons had succumbed to sleep. He may not have been needed for Alan, not with his overprotective brothers around, but someone had to calm Scott down again from his tirade against the Hood, language coming out his mouth that his father didn't even know his son knew, let alone used.

"No time," Virgil gasped, skidding around his father and continuing on his mad dash through the house. Coming to a halt outside of Alan's door, he took a split second to compose himself, knowing that throwing himself through the kid's door like a frantic hurricane was going to do nothing to calm the frightened Tracy down again. Gently pushing open the door, he couldn't help but smile at the sight that greeted him.

Scott had managed to get Alan back to sleep, his hand still methodically combing itself through the blond locks even as he spoke quietly to Gordon, who in turn looked exhausted, huge dark circles shadowing his normally bright eyes.

"Scott." Quietly gaining his brother's attention, Virgil jerked his head towards the door, clearly indicating that he wanted to have a word. Knowing that Virgil had gone after John, Scott frowned quizzically, questioning the whereabouts of their other brother with nothing more than his eyebrows. Despite knowing precisely what Scott was getting at, Virgil shook his head. This was not something they could communicate with a few glances, not this time.

Sensing something in Virgil's expression, Scott carefully slipped out from behind Alan; casually ruffling Gordon's hair fondly on the way past as his little brother attempted to stifle yet another yawn, and followed Virgil out of the door. Just as he made to shut it behind him, Gordon suddenly slipped through himself. As his older siblings turned to look at him, he merely raised his own eyebrows, an almost challenging look coming onto his face.

"He's my brother too."

Smiling gently, Virgil should have known. He and Scott may have been the ones with the capability to speak without words, but that didn't mean Gordon didn't know how to listen. He had picked up enough of what was going on – no doubt helped by John's disappearance – to know that this was something that concerned the whole family.

"What is it, Virg? Where's John?" Not hesitating, Scott was firing questions almost before he had fully shut Alan's door, thankfully remembering to keep his voice down in order to not awaken the now sleeping fourteen-year-old.

"I don't know."

"Weren't you just with him, dude?" Gordon asked, a frown making an unusual appearance on his face as he crossed his arms across his chest, confusion lining his expression.

"Yes and no."

"Virgil, what the hell?" Scott responded bluntly, echoing Gordon's confusion.

"When was the last time any of you made contact with John other than on a rescue?"

"Shit." Scott's answer told Virgil everything he needed to know. He was not the only one guilty of not spending as much time as he should have talking to John, making sure everything was alright with the Space Monitor. Virgil knew he couldn't cope with the solitude of space, only a thin line of communications with a very select few people being all that stopped you from drifting off into the vastness of space. And yet that was what he had been prepared to let his brother go through, never once making sure that something was still keeping John grounded.

"Where is he?"

This time, Virgil knew that Scott needed to know physically where their brother was, needed to find John. Unable to stop the small smile from escaping him – for this was the very reason why he had sought Scott out in the first place – Virgil sighed.

"At the beach. He was heading towards Hallow's Cave."

This time, it was Gordon's curse that drew his brothers' attention, even earning himself an automatic rebuke from his eldest sibling. No matter the situation, the older brother in Scott was always active, no matter what came out of his own mouth.

"What, Gords?" Virgil found that the words were coming out of his mouth almost as his brain tried to stop him. He wasn't sure whether he could take any more bad news at this unearthly time.

"The tide will be coming in. He's gonna end up trapped if he goes to the cave, it's not as deep as it looks, trust me."

Sharing one single glance, all three brothers simultaneously sprung into action, sprinting through the house and back down to the beach. They didn't even notice their father glancing out of his office window, squinting into the darkness as the silhouettes of three of his sons were quickly swallowed by the darkness. Shaking his head, Jeff headed silently down the corridor. Now that his sons had moved, he would be able to check on his baby for himself.

Coming to a breathless stop for the second time in barely ten minutes, Virgil pointed out the way John had disappeared, and, heading along at a slower pace – just in case they missed something – the three brothers jogged along the beach. For a moment, only the moonlight dancing gracefully across the ocean could be seen, but Scott quickly gave a shout.

"There he is!"

Following the extended arm of their brother, Gordon and Virgil peered along the beach. Just in front of the entrance to the cave, John was sitting on the sand, water swirling around him as he stared into space. Even from this distance, it was more than obvious that he hadn't noticed, his thoughts taking all of his attention. As a larger swell came in, Virgil found himself shouting a warning, knowing that John was not likely to hear him. Gordon, however, was already moving as the wave crashed over his brother, the force momentarily knocking John off balance and causing him to slip.

As Scott took off after Gordon, Virgil once more found himself frozen, his bewildered mind barely being able to catch up as another wave broke over his brother, obscuring John's figure from his view.

**More coming soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I seriously can't thank you enough for the amazing response to this, I was really blown away! Thank you all so much!**

Gordon barely heard Virgil's cry of alarm as the wave crashed over John, instinct taking over and causing the – usual – prankster to sprint across the sand, only one thought lodged in his mind: getting to John. He must have looked a picture to his brothers, weaving slightly as he worked with the waves. He knew that whilst going in a straight line would seem like the most direct route to reach his brother, the constant movement of the water would have slowed him down. Instead, Gordon found himself moving with the water, making his route slightly diagonal, but knowing that it was what was needed in order to get to John. He was vaguely aware of Scott speeding along after him, putting the redhead's very thoughts into practice as he tried to force his way through the waves.

After what felt like an age, Gordon knew that he was getting closer to John, and felt his legs give another burst of energy, pushing him to a greater speed than before. Within a few seconds, he threw himself down onto his knees next to where John was struggling to sit back up again. Reaching down, he sharply caught his brother around the chest, pulling the blond from the waves and clearing his head of the sea once and for all. As John coughed harshly, trying to expel the salt water that he had accidentally swallowed, Gordon slipped around the other side of the older man, letting John lean his weight back as he continued to cough. Rubbing his hand soothingly up and down in between John's shoulder blades, Gordon found that he was murmuring in a soft voice, encouraging his brother to clear his lungs. He hadn't even considered what he was doing, instead just letting the rescuer in him instinctively take over.

Just as John finally gained control of his slightly erratic breathing, shakily pushing himself into a more upright position whilst eyeing the still oncoming water with something that could resemble trepidation, Scott arrived. Refusing to meet Gordon's warning look, he regarded his immediate younger brother in concern for a long second. Finally satisfied that John was indeed alright, if a bit wet, the worry gave way to anger.

"What the hell were you doing, John?" he practically yelled, causing Gordon to roll his eyes as the redhead pushed himself to his feet, grimacing slightly at his soaking shorts. There went his desire to simply roll back into bed.

"Nothing," John muttered somewhat sheepishly as he refused to meet his brother's gaze. In all honesty, that was the truth. He had found himself lost in thought, part of him ashamed for cracking in front of Virgil. He hadn't intended for any of the family to find out how he was feeling, adamant that it was something that he had to deal with himself, but to lay it on his _younger _brother, and in such a blunt manner as well... Guilt and shame had been swirling around him to such an extent that he hadn't noticed the rapidly approaching water until the wave had knocked him off balance. Momentarily thrown, John hadn't been able to regain his position before another wave had come crashing in, pushing him further under. Unable to think straight, John had to admit that he had panicked. With the water closing in over his head, he found that everything he tried to grip onto in order to push himself up again was simply too slippery.

And then Gordon had appeared. Just as his brother had needed him the most, the aquanaut had cast a silhouette over him, and in that second John knew he was safe, even before Gordon had pulled him clear. That was why he couldn't tell the others. No matter what he was thinking, he _did _still feel safe around the rest of them, and in his mind, that just meant that he was being weak and selfish for feeling alone. They were there for him when he needed them the most. But still, John couldn't help but wonder whether they would be there for him when he simply wanted them to be, or whether some other call of duty would give them the excuse they needed in order not to have to try to force a conversation with their star-loving brother.

"It didn't look like nothing to me."

John knew Scott's anger was just a front to his worry, but suddenly the normally patient Tracy found the cord holding his temper in snapped without warning.

"Well, then, look harder!" he snarled, shaking off the small droplets of water still clinging to his skin and beginning to walk away. With his back to his brothers, he didn't see what Scott did, but he heard Gordon's voice.

"Drop it, Scott."

"Stay out of it, Gordon."

"Stay out of it?" It was Gordon's turn to get angry now, and John found that he practically had to force himself to carry on walking. He didn't want to be involved in an argument with them, not now. It would be nice in a way, for it would mean that he would be on the receiving end of their undivided attention for a change, but it was not the type of attention he was seeking. Right now, after everything that had happened over the Spring Break, he couldn't deal with an argument on top of everything else.

"Am I not part of this family as well, Scott? Do I not have the right to know what is going on with my brother?"

"Guys, stop it!" Virgil had arrived now, and John found that he immediately picked up his pace. He couldn't face his younger brother, not after what had come out of his mouth the last time they had been face to face on the beach.

"This isn't helping anyone." Glaring pointedly first at Scott, then Gordon, Virgil fixed them both with a look that normally only his oldest brother was capable of. Whilst he didn't know it, Gordon's words had touched exactly on the subject that was the matter. John wasn't feeling like he was part of the family, and watching him walk away with a frown tugging on his face, Virgil sighed deeply.

"Virg, what is this?" Scott asked quietly, following Virgil's gaze. The fact that John was out here at all signified something was very wrong; normally his younger brother took refuge in the stars when something was troubling him. It had driven Scott mad when they were young, for he had never been able to get the blond to open up about anything that was bothering him; instead he would just shut himself off from them, refusing to let anyone – not just Scott – in.

"I'm not sure," Virgil responded honestly. Sure, he knew how John was feeling, but he certainly didn't know what had brought it on. His older brother had been on the island for the best part of a week now, surely feelings of being left out would have subsided whilst he was around his family? Or had they once again been so focused on helping their youngest brother come to terms with what had happened that they hadn't been paying John enough attention?

"He's lonely," Gordon said simply, his eyes also fixed on his older brother. Sensing Virgil move his gaze from John onto him, Gordon turned to meet the look head on. "What?"

"Has he said something to you?"

"Virgil, you don't sit on a beach and not notice the tide is coming in around you at three in the morning unless something is wrong. And if John isn't doing what he normally does when something is troubling him, it means he can't find comfort in it. If he can't find comfort in his normal retreat, he is lonely."

Aware of both Scott and Virgil staring at him in surprise, their mouths practically hanging open in shock, Gordon rolled his eyes.

"Now what?"

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"It was something my psychiatrist once told me," Gordon muttered, looking away and finding that he was unable to meet their gaze. He hated being reminded of that particular time, the one time the entire family tried not to think about. He would have never thought that those months in the hospital after his accident would ever be any help but there was the odd occasion where the sessions Gordon had thought had been a complete waste of time proved useful. Sensing his brother's change in mood, Scott reached out a hand, giving the redhead's shoulder a gentle squeeze and receiving a tired grin for his efforts.

"So what do we do?" the oldest Tracy boy murmured softly, turning his attention back to John. The blond had stopped a short distance away from them - lack of beach providing him with no other alternative - and it was quite clear that he didn't want to simply walk back past them up to the house. His head was turned out to sea and without having to see his face, Scott knew what expression would be resting there, he had seen it after their mother had died. But Scott had been so overwhelmed with the loss coupled with the responsibility he had suddenly found himself shouldering that he knew he hadn't been the best comfort for his little brother back then.

"No idea," Gordon responded truthfully. His psychiatrist had been very good at spouting random sayings, ones Gordon often found stuck in his head at the most irrelevant of times, but he had never addressed what was to be done about the situation, instead coming up with strange metaphors that had left the redhead more bewildered than when they had started.

"This," Virgil replied in a matter of fact tone. Scuffing his way through the water swirling around his feet, he slowly but surely approached his brother.

"Johnny? You okay?" His voice was soft and reassuring, but Virgil couldn't help but feel like it was a false front he was putting on. It was the type of voice he used when on a rescue, especially when talking to someone who had very little chance of making it out alive. Had they drawn away from their brother so much that now he didn't know how to address John as a Tracy, but only as another victim he had been sent to rescue?

"Fine," John muttered, refusing to meet Virgil's gaze and instead continuing to stare with a sense of desperate intensity out to sea. It was so vast, so powerful and open. And it made him feel so small.

"Johnny, don't do this." Virgil was partly aware that Scott and Gordon were closing in behind them, but sticking out a hand, the artistic Tracy attempted to wave them back, knowing that John would simply run if he felt crowded. Considering he wasn't feeling like he truly belonged in the family anyway, making him feel as if they were ganging up on him certainly wasn't going to help matters.

"Don't shut me – us - out. Let us help, John, let us in." Gingerly reaching out a hand, Virgil hesitated for a moment, before steeling himself and letting it rest on John's shoulder. He couldn't help but feel a rush of relief when John made no movement to dislodge it. Maybe he hadn't distanced himself as much as he felt?

"What is there to say, Virg?" John muttered quietly, knowing by the way his brother suddenly froze that he agreed. Virgil knew how he was feeling; he had made that more than apparent. What was there he could say in a few sentences that would make it all better again? This time, even Scott didn't have that power. Not that that was going to stop him from trying though, and ignoring Virgil's hand signals, he moved forward again.

"Come on, John, let's get you back to the house. You're soaked."

"I'm fine."

"Damnit, you could have just drowned, don't tell me you are fine!"

"Don't tell me what to do then, Scott! You may not have realised, but you aren't my boss!" Shaking off Virgil's hand, John turned on his heel and marched back up the beach, barely sparing the surprised look on Gordon's face a second glance. He knew he should be thanking the redhead, his kid brother had practically saved his life after all, but he just couldn't bring himself to look at the hurt echoed within Gordon's eyes.

"Don't you walk away from me, John!"His anger returning in full swing as he realised he didn't know how he could help his little brother, Scott ran after John's retreating back, grabbing him by the arm and spinning the younger man around to face him again.

"Or what?" John challenged, sick of Scott's attitude. He knew that his brother was only trying to help, it was instinct to the oldest Tracy son, desperate to banish all the demons for his younger siblings. But John couldn't help but feel Scott had his hands full with the others at the moment. After all, he was just one man, and there were four of them. After an event which had so nearly destroyed their family forever? No, Scott had enough on his plate right now.

"You'll tell Dad?" A slight mocking tone infiltrating his voice, John met Scott's look head on, inwardly wincing at the pain he had put in his brother's eyes. Scott was trying to do what he thought was best for John, and his younger brother had simply shot him down. His teeth grating together in an attempt to keep his temper, Scott knew it wasn't the first time, either. Virgil might be worried that they hadn't made contact with John for anything other than IR business, but neither had the blond. He only called in when there was a situation to report, he probably didn't even notice how quickly he disconnected himself after his duty was done, not giving his brothers any chance to ask after him.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Scott asked quietly, a sense almost of desperation laced in his voice as he tried to get through to John. He could see the loneliness in his brother's eyes; Gordon had certainly got that bit right. So why on earth wasn't John trying to do something about it rather than just shrugging them off at every opportunity?

"Nothing," John muttered, his own attitude dissipating almost as quickly as it had come, a dull flush making its way up his neck, barely visible in the moonlight. He felt ashamed of himself, that was for sure. He could see they were all here now, all ready to help him. And yet, whether the distance between them was real or just in his mind, John couldn't bring himself to let everything out. It was just easier to pretend that nothing was wrong.

"Try again," Scott responded, his eyes searching John's face intently, trying to find any sign which would mean that John would allow him access to his thoughts. Scott had always prided himself in being able to read his brothers, they themselves often joking that he could see into their souls. But now, it was almost as if John had drawn the blinds across the back of his eyes, shutting out the world and diving into himself. Leaving his big brother standing alone on the outside.

"I'm fine, Scotty, honest." His voice soft and quiet, John inwardly winced at how desperate he sounded. He just wanted them to stop asking! When Scott remained quiet, John shrugged his arm free of his brother's grip and turned again. Pausing for a moment to see if anything happened, he slowly began walking away.

"Johnny, wait."

Closing his eyes briefly at Gordon's voice, John did precisely the opposite, instead speeding up. He couldn't tell them the truth, he just couldn't. He hadn't meant to let slip to Virgil how he was feeling, but he certainly couldn't tell another younger brother that he felt like he had been abandoned, forgotten about in the depths of space. Alan moaned that it wasn't fair when they all talked about the rescues, but John agreed with him. He might be there over the communications, but when something went wrong, they were very quick to forget to keep him informed as they potentially fought to save one of their brothers' lives. But at the same time, they also forgot to close down the line. Meaning that John heard everything, yet got told nothing.

Beginning to pound a comfortable rhythm into the sand, John groaned out loud as he heard sounds of pursuit. Gordon was definitely coming after him, but which brother Scott was attempting to intercept, he was not so sure. Just as Gordon seemed to give up, knowing that his brother clearly had no desire to talk to him, John's luck ran out. Not paying attention to where he was going, he didn't notice the small rock resting innocently in the sand, not until his ankle went over awkwardly on it. With a small cry of surprise, he didn't have time to react until he fell, landing heavily on his knees.

"John! John, are you okay?"

Wondering if that was the only question Virgil was capable of asking him, John didn't answer, instead letting himself rock forward a bit, his forehead almost touching the sand. No. He wasn't okay. And despite his earlier thoughts, he couldn't pretend any more.

"It's alright, Johnny." Scott was the first to reach him, kneeling down next to his brother, his hand rubbing lightly across John's back.

"I can't do this anymore."

"John?"

"I can't go back there! I can't be on my own anymore. I can't do it, I just can't!" It was harder to say who was more surprised when a harsh sob suddenly caught in John's throat, tears springing to his eyes even as he felt his cheeks burn in humiliation. Why on earth did he have to break down now? In front of Scott? In front of the younger ones? Barely noticing Scott press himself in closer, trying to draw him upright, John instead just folded into himself, arms crossed across his stomach, almost curled into a ball.

"Come on, Johnny, it's gonna be okay..."

"Don't make me go back there, Scott..." All of the barriers that John had been desperately trying to hold up suddenly came crashing down, causing him to almost collapse onto his brother as tears flowed unrestricted down his cheeks, his breathing catching harshly in his throat as he struggled to control himself. He didn't even notice Virgil and Gordon finally catch up with the pair of them, the former automatically pulling Gordon away. One look from Scott and they both went running towards the house, knowing what their older brother meant.

"I can't go back there, don't make me. I don't want to be forgotten about anymore..."

"John, listen to me." Grasping his brother by the shoulders, Scott forced John into a more upright sitting position, although he knew the second he let go, John would fall again, the younger man seemed to have lost the ability to work his own body. It took rather a lot of coaxing, but finally Scott managed to get John to raise his head, although his heart immediately clenched at the look of desperation and loss on his little brother's face.

"No one has ever forgotten about you. No one has ever made you go up there. You wanted to, remember?"

"I don't want to anymore. Don't want to be on my own, don't want to lose you..."

As John fell forward again, Scott found his arms automatically going around his brother. One hand across John's back, the other resting at the bottom of John's neck, his fingers instinctively toying with the end of John's hair. Glancing towards the heavens, praying for strength, Scott finally knew what was going on with his brother.

It wasn't so much that John felt forgotten about; the family all knew how tight their bonds were. Despite the distance the youngest member of the family had created, Alan still admitted to looking to his brothers for the answers he was seeking, even if he would never admit it if directly asked. And yet John had been on his own when the missile had struck, Brains' analysis quite clearly showing that the blond could easily never have had the chance to call for help. And then had come the attack on the island. If they hadn't flown to John's rescue, Scott was more than aware that the Hood would have taken the pleasure of finishing them off personally right here, in their home. And there would have been no one to tell John. It wasn't that he was feeling forgotten about, not really. It was that he was scared that something would happen, and he truly would be stuck on his own. Whether or not John realised that himself, however, was a different matter entirely.

Cursing himself for not having realised the emotional strain John had been under since the attack, Scott pulled his legs out from under him, navigating himself into a more comfortable position as he continued to hold his brother. John seemed to have forgotten how to breathe calmly, erratic and sharp breaths being sucked in at irregular intervals as he attempted to force the emotions back. But Scott had no intention of letting him do that, not now the blond had finally begun to let everything go.

"Johnny, you are never going to lose us, no matter what happens..."

"Don't wanna be alone..." John's voice was quieter now, and with the knowledge he had gained from practically raising his four younger siblings, Scott knew that exhaustion was crashing back down again. He wasn't surprised, none of them had slept properly for days and this level of emotion took it out of a fully rested person, let alone one that had decided to unburden themselves at about half past three in the morning.

"You're not, John. I'm right here." Slipping his arm under John's shoulders, Scott pulled the pair of them to their feet, keeping up a stream of reassurances as John continued to mumble under his breath, his eyelids almost drooping where he stood, leaning heavily on his brother.

"C'mon, star man; let's get you into something dry and into bed."

Trying to hide his worry as John began to shiver; Scott found that he was practically dragging the younger man along the beach, John not assisting him in the slightest. Beginning to pant with the effort, Scott had never been so thankful to see the house loom out of the darkness at him. Now just came the matter of getting John up the steps.

Luckily, before he had to tackle the task, Virgil and Gordon reappeared at the top. Gordon was down the stairs almost before his oldest brother could blink, draping John's other arm over his shoulders, mindful of the blond's aching shoulder. Between the two of them, they slowly managed to navigate their brother up to the top, just in time to see their father emerge at the doorway.

Jeff was out of the door like a shot upon catching sight of his sons. He had been sitting with Alan, reassuring himself by the steady breathing of his youngest child that they were all safe again, when Virgil and Gordon had appeared. Without them saying anything, Jeff knew something had happened: he could read his boys well enough to know that the look in their eyes meant something other than desperation to crawl back into bed.

Leaving Alan's room quietly, Virgil had got as far as muttering something was going on with John before Gordon had suddenly shot away. Glancing out of the window that had been occupying the prankster's attention, Virgil too had vanished on catching sight of his older brothers, one attempting to drag the other back to the house. Blinking in astonishment, Jeff had found himself momentarily freezing, wondering what on earth was happening, before his paternal instincts had taken back over and he'd gone sprinting after his sons. Coming to a stop in the doorway, he felt a wave of shock rush over him at seeing John, tears running silently down his face, soaking wet. But it was the look on Scott's face that made him realise that something was very wrong. His eldest son looked for the entire world like he had failed his brother, and knowing what the paranoid man could be like when it came to looking out for his siblings, Jeff knew that something deep was going on. There were not many occasions he could bring to mind when Scott had looked like that.

"John?" His voice barely coming out as anything more than a whisper, Jeff smiled gratefully at his fourth born as Gordon slipped out from under John's arm with a meaningful look at his father. Immediately taking over, Jeff winced when he felt how sodden John's clothes were; it was almost as if he had been swimming.

Between the two of them, the oldest members of the family managed to get the astronaut down the corridor and into his room. As Scott moved away, giving his father some peace whilst knowing that it was now down to him to sort out Virgil and Gordon – it wasn't every day they saw their big brother completely break down – Jeff managed to get his son into some dry clothes, almost as if John was still the same little boy he had been over twenty years ago.

Scott didn't have to go very far to find the other two. All three of them could be found leaning against the wall in silence, waiting for their father. The second Jeff stepped out of the door; Scott pushed himself away from his support, taking a step forward. Raising his hand soothingly, Jeff stopped his son before he could go any further.

"Leave him, Scott, he's sleeping."

"But is he...?"

"No, Virgil, I don't think he is okay. Do any of you care to explain what on earth is going on with your brother?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you again for those amazing reviews! Special thanks to those who I can't respond directly too!**

**Sam1 - keep dreaming, that's all I'm saying! *grin***

**Hope you like the next chapter! *fingers crossed***

Somehow managing to get all three of the boys in his eye line, Jeff fixed them with a look they knew better than to try and cross. John may have lasted a good while without the rest of the family knowing how he was feeling, but there was no way his father was about to let his brothers get away without answering him. Not that they didn't attempt just that though. Gordon suddenly became very interested in his feet, scuffing first one foot then the other against the carpet, causing his weight to be constantly shifting. Virgil did whatever he did when he wanted to avoid answering something. He looked at Scott. In turn, Scott merely sighed heavily, gazing with intensity at John's closed door, almost as if he was hoping to be able to burn a hole through the wood with the force of his look alone.

"Boys?"

It wasn't just Virgil who was looking at Scott now; Gordon too had lifted his head again. In all fairness to him though - Virgil couldn't help but think - he didn't actually know what was going on. All he had seen was John disappearing under the waves after Virgil had dropped some ominous hint about something being wrong with their brother. No one had actually told him what, although from the conversation he had overheard between his older brothers, he had a pretty good idea of what. After all, it was him that had so calmly expressed the opinion that John was lonely, yet none of them knew why.

"I'm not going to ask again, boys," Jeff said firmly, following their gaze and glancing towards Scott. It was clear the younger two were relying on their older sibling to provide the answers, and Jeff couldn't help but echo their thoughts. If anyone had been able to get through to his second born, it would have been John's big brother. Recognising the slightly commanding tone in his father's voice, Scott sighed deeply, finally moving away from the wall and walking slowly back down the corridor. Knowing that the pilot was not avoiding the issue, but simply didn't want to have to discuss it standing in the hallway, Jeff followed without a word, Virgil slotting in behind him. Neither of them noticed Gordon steal away in the opposite direction, silently opening John's door and slipping into the darkened room like a shadow.

Nothing was said until the three Tracys reached the kitchen, Scott automatically hitching himself onto one of the stools lining the bar. Resting his elbows on the counter and then his head in his hands, he remained silent for a few more moments. Knowing that they could potentially be here a while, Jeff pulled around another stool, motioning for Virgil to do the same. At the back of his mind, a thought registered regarding Gordon's sudden disappearance, but as Scott finally opened his mouth, he pushed the matter to one side, adamant that he would at least get one son sorted before turning his attention to the other.

"He doesn't want to go back to Five." Scott's words were quiet and soft, his tone barely audible in the vast room, but his father and brother heard every word. It was almost as if it was sent bouncing around the room, increasing in volume until Scott could have shouted it and they wouldn't have heard it any more clearly.

The words ringing in his ears, Jeff simply stared at his son. He knew that John had been struggling, that Alan wasn't the only one who had been suffering from nightmares regarding the Hood's attack. Jeff had spoken to his son, though. The blond had seemed like he wanted to get back to his beloved 'bird as quickly as possible, claiming that he was worried about her being left on automatic for any length of time. Thinking about it now, Jeff frowned. He had thought at the time that there was something almost desperate about John's voice, something he had found troubling with regard to how quickly John had wanted to get away from the island in the aftermath of everything that had happened. Almost as if he had something to hide...

"But he loves it up there." The confusion lacing Virgil's voice meant Jeff knew that his boys had been no more aware of their brother's inner torment than he had.

"Does he?"

"Scott, where are you going with this?" Sitting up straighter, Jeff frowned quizzically at his oldest child. Sighing heavily, Scott dropped his head once more, his voice almost muffled in his hand as he spoke again.

"He's scared of being on his own." To his surprise, his father suddenly chuckled, a look of relief shooting across his face.

"That will pass, son. Even as a child, John always wanted to be on his own, you remember that, surely?"His grin faded as quickly as it had come, more from the look on Scott's face than his own words. There was still the lingering expression of having completely and utterly failed. It was not a look Jeff liked to see on his son's face, and he knew he had to do all in his power to remove it. Even if it meant twisting what he really thought in order to soothe his sons.

"Dad, I'm not sure this will." Scott was sitting up straight again now, staring at his father in incredulity at how easily Jeff was dismissing this. If anyone had told Scott that his younger brother didn't want to be alone, he too might have laughed. But Jeff hadn't been on the beach, he hadn't seen the way John had just completely fallen apart, all but begging for Scott to not make him go back on his own.

"Do you think we wouldn't have noticed if John didn't want to be on his own?" Jeff responded somewhat sharply as he stood back up again. The boys were just tired, the whole family was. It was not surprising since they were up most nights. Alan wasn't the only one reliving the torment in his sleep, and with his brothers' protective nature, it had come as no shock for the father to often find all the boys – apart from John – in one room in the morning.

"I'm telling you, Scott, he is going to be just fine, he's just a little tired."

"No, Dad, he won't..."

"Don't take that tone with me, Scott Carpenter Tracy!"

"Then listen to me!"

"Scott!"

"Both of you, please, stop!" Despite his quiet tone, Virgil's voice broke through his father's and brother's raised ones. Together, father and son turned to look at him, Scott immediately crossing the room and resting his hand lightly on Virgil's back. It was clear that this was unnerving the younger man, and considering that Virgil had been the first person to hear something about what was going on with John, Scott was not surprised.

"Dad, I think Scott is right."

"I think I know my son."

"You didn't hear him, Dad. Down there, on the beach..." Breaking away, Virgil took a deep breath almost as if he was trying to steady his nerves. He couldn't forget the heartbreaking tone of John's voice as he had asked whether or not they would have noticed if he had died. There had been something so defeated about it. Virgil knew they should have never let it get that far, but somehow, in the midst of everything that had happened, John had found himself with no one to turn to.

"Virg?" At Scott's gentle prompt, Virgil turned to face his brother. He didn't want to have to say this to his father, especially not if Jeff was not believing what they were saying anyway. Part of Virgil could understand how this might appear: they were all exhausted. But it certainly had not just been exhaustion that had made John say those things, even if it had helped heighten his emotions.

"He wanted to know whether we would notice whether he had come home or not." A deadly silence fell over the kitchen at his words; the chiming of the clock on the wall suddenly seeming enhanced, its resounding tick echoing throughout the room. Jeff knew by the look on Scott's face that this was not something John had said to him, pain and hurt immediately leaping into his already taut expression.

"How could he?" Scott whispered, running a hand over his face wearily, sinking back onto the nearest stool.

"That wasn't all," Virgil continued, his voice barely louder than his brother's. Knowing that they somehow needed to convince their father that this was something more than just John feeling the pressure after the attack, Virgil turned to face the man, meeting his gaze head on.

"He wanted to know whether we would miss him as a Tracy, or as a member of International Rescue."

"Damn him!" Scott exclaimed almost angrily as he jumped back to his feet, immediately beginning to pace the kitchen.

"He's just unnerved by the attack, boys, it's hardly surprising. I'll talk to him tomorrow when he's had some more sleep. You'll see, he'll be just fine." Trying desperately to reassure the two clearly agitated sons in front of him, Jeff wasn't even sure whether he believed his own words, but he knew he had to do something. If Scott decided to try and smother John, they were going to end up with even bigger problems. Being one of the older members of the family, John was used to helping to smother, not being on the receiving end of it. Something told his father that was not going to end well.

"No, Dad, he is not." Scott had had enough of his father trying to just brush this off as mere nerves. John had been practically broken when his brother had held him on the beach; this was going to take more than just a chat.

"Scott, I'm his father, and I'm telling you, I would have noticed."

"And we're his brothers, and yet none of us noticed that anything was wrong!" Virgil was on his feet now, matching Scott's annoyance at their father. He knew that Jeff was trying to make them feel better, but maybe that was part of the problem. They spent so long trying to reassure each other, pretend that nothing was wrong, that the issues at hand never truly got addressed.

"That is enough!"

"Dad? Guys? What's going on?" Drawn by the loud voices, Alan suddenly appeared in the doorway, dragging one hand through his hair as he yawned loudly, confusion spiralling within his sleep-filled eyes.

"We're sorry, Alan," Jeff immediately apologised, crossing the room and draping his arm around his youngest son, already beginning to steer him back towards the door whilst glancing over his shoulder at Alan's older brothers.

"The boys are just tired; they need to go to bed."

"Dad..."

"_Now!_" With a sense of finality, Jeff led Alan out of the room, casting one meaningful look back into the kitchen.

"What's going on, Dad?" Alan's voice was soft and quiet, and with a quick sideways glance at his watch, Jeff was not surprised. Once again, at just gone four in the morning, the entire family was still awake - unless John truly had found sanctuary in the dreams Jeff had left him with.

"Nothing, Alan. Everything is fine, there has just been a bit of a misunderstanding." To Jeff's mind, it just showed how very wrong things were that Alan accepted the argument almost without question, leaning slightly more heavily on his father as he allowed Jeff to guide him back to his room. Almost the instant his head touched the pillow sleep once again overtook the youngest Tracy.

Pausing, Jeff wanted to make sure that Alan had truly settled before heading off to make sure that Scott and Virgil had done as they were told. He just assumed that Gordon had headed off to bed himself, not wanting to have to talk about what was going on. Jeff's redhead had always looked up to John - perhaps even more so than Scott - and seeing him so clearly falling apart was definitely going to add yet another strain that the usually happy young man did not need.

Combing his fingers through Alan's untidy hair, keeping his touch as gentle as possible so as to not awaken his son again, Jeff sighed heavily. Despite what he had told the boys, he was concerned about John. He had hoped and prayed it had just been the stress and tiredness of everything that had befallen the family, and yet tonight's performance showed it obviously was more than that. Jeff had been reluctant to push him – he had meant every word to Scott about John liking his own company – but now he knew that he would have no choice but to force John to open up.

It was obvious that the star gazer's brothers were now more aware of what was going on, and from what Jeff had managed to get out of them, they had seen more than he had. Maybe that was going to help in the long run, to stop John from constantly trying to hide how he was feeling. But Jeff knew they were going to have to be careful. Now they knew, nothing was going to stop the others – Scott in particular, but Jeff knew that Virgil and Gordon were equally as adamant about helping their siblings as their oldest brother – from doing all that they could to help John. His thoughts echoing what he had just been thinking, Jeff knew that was going to end badly in this particular case. John was simply too stubborn to let them help.

Satisfied that Alan was peaceful, Jeff quietly left the room, running a hand through his own hair with a jaw-splitting yawn. The boys weren't the only ones who were utterly exhausted. His mind reeling over what he could to stop the boys from crowding John, yet at the same time, make sure that his elder blond knew they were all there for him, Jeff found his feet automatically taking a quick detour towards the kitchen. One glance inside, however, and he knew that his sons had actually done what they were told and headed to bed. A few hours sleep, and they would all be able to think straight again, that was for sure. The dim lights illuminating the empty kitchen cast mysterious shadows on the wall, and, shuddering slightly, Jeff quickly snapped them off again. After all, the nightmares weren't just plaguing the boys. Coming so close to losing everything – and everyone - he had ever cared about, Jeff found that his own mind was slowly becoming his own worst enemy in the rare times he was allowed a night of rest.

TBTBTB

John immediately winced as he cracked open his eyes ever so slightly, grimacing at the sunlight pouring through his open blinds. Sighing, he knew that he should probably move and shut them fully, but that involved energy_,_ something that John was lacking in quite spectacularly. His head was thumping softly, and he knew immediately that it wasn't just lack of sleep this time. He hadn't been that emotional for a considerable length of time, and having it happen in front of his brothers made it even worse. Scott he could just about cope with, his older brother had always been picking up the pieces for him, ever since before he could remember. Virgil and Gordon, however... Shutting his eyes again, John couldn't stop the feeling of shame building up in him. They shouldn't have had to see him like that. It was his job to make them feel better, not put them through it in the first place.

Deciding that getting out of his nice, comfortable bed to close the drapes was simply more effort than he was prepared to make, the tired blond opted for rolling over with a noise that could best be described as a groan. Halfway over though, he froze, suddenly conscious of another presence in his room. Tensing in his awkward position, John very slowly shifted himself into a more secure place, before sitting up sharply, staring around the room in an attempt to locate the intruder.

He didn't have to look long. Sitting on the chair, his feet casually propped up on the desk and his arms folded behind his head, Gordon was watching his brother with a strange expression on his face.

"What are you doing?" John all but blurted out, his eyes continuing their sweep around the room, subconsciously looking for anything that might be out of place to signal what his prankster of a brother was up to. The last time Gordon was the first person he had seen upon waking up, he had barely walked for a week.

"Good morning to you too," Gordon responded, sounding slightly grumpy as he swivelled on the seat. Keeping his legs airborne, he lifted them from the desk, spun on the chair and dumped them unceremoniously on the end of his brother's bed, raising his eyebrows slightly at the disbelieving look John shot him.

"What are you up to, Gords?" John asked quietly, pushing himself into a more upright position and propping the pillows up behind him before leaning comfortably back, attempting to not yawn. A quick glance at the clock showed him it had just gone 7, meaning that he could have had barely three hours sleep. No wonder he desperately wanted to just nod back off again.

"Do I have to be up to something?"

"Are you okay, Gordy?" His eyes narrowing in sudden concern, John looked properly at his brother. Gordon truly looked awful. His face was pale, dark shadows circling his eyes and giving him nothing short of a haunted look. Despite the smile teasing around his lips, the sparkle that was normally resident in the aquanaut's eyes remained well and truly absent, his casual shrug doing nothing to put his big brother off.

"Have you had any sleep?"

"I got a few hours before Al woke us up," Gordon responded flippantly, looking everywhere other than at his brother.

"Gordon," John began, with a slight warning note in his tone that he knew made him sound exactly like Scott. He couldn't help it though; he hated seeing Gordon this subdued, despite thinking nearly ten times a day that he wished he could calm the hyper young man down again. Biting his lip, John knew he hadn't thought that for a while. He now found himself wishing that Gordon would go back to bouncing - he had been too calm for too long, yet another sign of all the things that were wrong with the family.

"What, John?" Gordon suddenly demanded, dropping his legs from the bed and sitting up straighter, staring at his brother with something that could resemble disbelief. "You think I would go back to sleep, just like that, after pulling you out from under the sea?"

"Gordon, I'm sorry..."

"No you're not, John."

Taken aback by the uncharacteristic anger in his brother's voice, John pushed himself further upright, staring at the redhead. If he was honest, he wasn't completely sure what he could say that wouldn't work his brother up any further.

"Gords..."

"If you were really sorry, you would have told us. Being sorry doesn't mean shutting us out at every chance you get, never letting anyone in for fear they might find something."

"It's not that simple, Gordon. You make it sound like I can just say these sorts of things..."

"You can, John." Gordon's voice dropped dramatically in volume, a spark once more relighting in his eyes. But it wasn't the spark of happiness that John had been hoping for. Instead, it was something rarely seen in Gordon. It was a spark of anger, making his eyes gleam in an overly bright manner, seeming to pierce straight into his older brother.

"The only thing that stopped you saying anything was you. Do you even realise how quickly you sign off after calling in a potential rescue?"

Staring at his brother, John felt his mouth drop open in shock. He didn't think they would have noticed that. He had just been so afraid that if one of them tried asking how he was, he would crumble, and that happening when he was alone on Five was not the best plan. Instead, he just kept his distance, part of him praying that one of them would take the initiative and get in contact with him, only none of them had.

"None of you exactly wanted a conversation," he muttered quietly, finding himself unable to look at Gordon, instead gazing with intensity at his bedspread.

"You didn't give us the chance, John."

"You don't know what it was like, Gordon. I wanted to keep you lot safe, I didn't want you feeling like someone else had to take over on Five and so let someone else be forgotten about. It was just easier to...pretend. Act like nothing was wrong."

"That never works, John," Gordon responded with a sense of finality, standing up and making his way over to the balcony doors. With his hands resting on the lower part of his back, the redhead arched backwards, breathing in sharply until his back clicked, before exhaling and relaxing again. Watching him, John felt his frown deepen.

"Are you okay, Gordon?"

"Oh I'm fine," Gordon muttered without turning around, keeping his gaze fixed steadily on the calming motion of the waves out of the window, almost as if he was trying to keep his temper. "But unlike some others, I know my boundaries. I know when to say that I'm not."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Suddenly angry, John felt his last traces of sleepiness disappear as he swung his legs out of bed, glaring at the back of his little brother's head. Did Gordon think John hadn't wanted to come to them? To make his father bring him home, not to leave him up there any more, on his own, just waiting for something to happen to one of them with no one remembering to tell the absent brother? Did Gordon not think that John would have done anything to not feel like he was letting everyone – especially himself – down with the deep anxiety of being up there alone?

"What does it mean?" Gordon had finally turned now, and John almost found himself stumbling back a step at the look on the prankster's face. It wasn't an expression he had ever seen on Gordon's face before, nor, quite frankly, did he ever want to again. It was a mixture of hurt, pain, shock, anger and disbelief all rolled into one.

"John, I _died_. Or had you forgotten that? I was told I would never walk again; everything I had ever wanted had just been snatched from me. Scott gave up his career, you would have done the same if it wasn't for Dad's pleading. Virgil threatened to drop out of Denver and Alan got kicked out from another school because of me. The entire family was in pieces, and it was entirely my fault. Do you think I wanted to talk about that? Do you think I wanted you to know how much of failure I was feeling?"

"What happened, Gords?" John asked quietly, tendrils of guilt and shame beginning to weave their complex way into his soul. He hadn't considered the possibility that Gordon might, to some extent at least, have an inclination of how he was feeling. After all, what was being situated away from the family for a few months compared to what his little brother had been put through only a few years ago?

"Virgil cornered me," Gordon muttered, turning away again. It wasn't a memory he was particularly fond of, that was for sure. "Well, not that I could really go anywhere, but you know what I mean. He told me that I was the only one with the power to put the family back together again, that it was down to me to get them through it by not giving up on myself."

"You were that prepared to give up?"

"Johnny, I _had _given up."

"Gords, I...I didn't know. They all told me that you were dealing with it; every time I saw you, you were grinning like a loon as normal."

"And you never told us, John. Every time we saw you, you were just the same old John. Do you think I didn't notice that look in your eye? Virgil did too, he'd seen it before. Johnny... we knew what was happening. We've known since before the attack. We were just waiting for you to tell us yourself."

"And I just kept quiet," John whispered to himself, sitting down on the edge of his bed, once more gripping the sheets as he tried to control his emotions. He knew what Gordon was getting at now. He had been more than prepared to blame his brothers, accuse them of not noticing anything was wrong. And yet they _had_ noticed. It was him that was adamantly denying anything was wrong every time one of them asked. Had it really taken the Hood almost destroying his family for him to be able to voice the concerns that had been plaguing him for all of these months? Yes, he knew that this wasn't going to make all the problems disappear; even now, the thought of going back on his own made the palms of his hands begin to sweat and his breath catch in his throat. He still had to talk to them, still had to let them in. But it wasn't that they didn't want to be let in, it was that John had been keeping them out.

"Gordy, I'm sorry..."

"That's more like it, space-case. Now come on, I'm starved." And so saying, Gordon made to suddenly bound across the room, the tension leaving his shoulders almost as quickly as it had appeared. Quickly standing up, John intercepted his bouncing brother, grasping him by the shoulders and steering him from the room himself.

"You, go and sleep."

"But I'm hungry..." Gordon whined, trying to wriggle free of his brother's grip and head towards the kitchen. He wasn't in the slightest, but the last thing he needed was for John to start worrying about him, not with everything else going on. Besides, the redhead was only tired, nothing more than that. But knowing what his smothering brothers' were like, they would make it out to be like he was dying.

"Tell you what, if you are still awake in ten minutes, I'll bring you something in." And with that, John gave his brother a gentle push towards his room, raising an eyebrow pointedly when Gordon attempted to turn back around again.

Watching Gordon disappear through his door, John smiled softly, counting under his breath. As soon as he reached twenty, he stole down the corridor himself, silently pushing open his little brother's door. Sure enough, Gordon was sprawled across the bed, fully dressed, but fast asleep.

Crossing the room quietly, John sat down lightly on the edge of the bed, automatically running his fingers through Gordon's hair.

"Thanks, kiddo," he whispered softly, letting his hand rest atop Gordon's head for a moment. He may not have been the brother who enjoyed the physical contact, but even John couldn't deny the comfort he had just received from his brother's presence. Sighing deeply, he turned unseeing eyes upon the ceiling, wondering how on earth he was supposed to apologise to the rest of the family for shutting them out whilst wondering if he would ever feel ready to be alone on Five again. After all, just because they were here for him now, didn't mean that would always be the case.

Little did John know who was watching him from the doorway of Gordon's room. Sharing a knowing look with Virgil, Scott gently took his brother by the arm, guiding the artist away again. That had been the first time John had deliberately put himself in one of their rooms since he had been home, Alan's perhaps being the only exception due to the nightmares. Virgil had spent more than one night in with Scott since the attack, and they had both witnessed Gordon stealing down the corridor in the middle of the night, slipping into Alan's room. But John had kept himself to himself, and Scott knew that was part of the problem.

Heading down the corridor themselves and moving towards the much needed coffee pot the moment they reached the kitchen, the brothers could only hope that John had just reached the turning point he desperately needed. Despite not knowing that what it was that was troubling their sibling, the rest of the Tracys were more than aware that something wasn't right. After all, nothing was right with any of them, not with what had just happened.

**Different side to Gordon there! Let me know what you thought?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Another huge thank you for all of the wonderful reviews, especially those to whom I can't respond directly to!**

**Has officially got the world's best beta! Thanks for being a legend, Bee!**

How long John simply sat there on the edge of his sleeping brother's bed, the blond could not say. For the first time in a while, he felt at peace. This was something he had done for as long as he could remember, helping Scott make sure their younger brothers were resting peacefully whilst the older pair waited up for their father to arrive back home again from some conference. Even now, John knew that Scott could be found padding the hallways quietly before turning in himself, just setting his mind at ease that all was well in the household.

Was all well? John couldn't help but wonder. Had Gordon been right when he said the only thing that had stopped John from saying anything was himself? Was he so worried about how the rest of the family would see him that he had been prepared to hide away, let himself get into the state where he felt completely cut off from his brothers for the first time in his life? As Gordon shifted slightly in his sleep, unconsciously leaning into the contact of John's still-lingering hand, the astronaut knew the answer. If he had let them in beforehand, Jeff would have done something to make sure that John had banished all of his negative feelings before allowing his second born on Five alone. His father had always tried to do what was best for the boys, but if he didn't know something was wrong... Even Jeff wasn't a mind reader.

Standing up with a heavy sigh, John quietly left the room, meandering his way down the hallway and heading towards the kitchen. It wasn't until he was framed in the doorway that he took note of the voices coming from within. Voices that immediately ceased in their conversation the moment their owners caught sight of their tormented brother hovering in the doorway.

"Morning, Johnny," Virgil said softly, his eyes roaming his big brother's face. It was almost as if he was searching for a reaction after the night's dramas, looking for some sort of hint that would tell him how he was supposed to behave around him. The blond clearly didn't feel accepted enough with their normal behaviour, but would he feel even more cut off if he knew that his brothers were trying to adapt their normal routine in order to make sure he was involved? He and Scott had already been discussing ways of making sure John was involved more with the island's day-to-day activities, whether he was on Earth or not. But Virgil also knew how much John hated being crowded, and couldn't deny the feeling growing in him that taking that approach might not work with his star-loving brother.

"Hey," John responded quietly, suddenly looking at the floor. Gordon's words were crashing back over him, making the blond suddenly ashamed of looking at his brothers. Had he been that desperate to simply see if they noticed that he had deliberately kept his mouth shut, almost as if it was some sort of obscene test? Remembering what Gordon had said about Virgil recognising the look in his brother's eye after seeing it before, John made himself look up again, but still could not look either of them in the eye.

Virgil was sitting on one of the stools by the bar counter, his legs swinging freely as he watched his older sibling, a frown on his face as he bit his lip. His now empty mug was hanging loosely from one finger, yet Virgil didn't seem to notice its precarious position, instead watching the other item in the house that was poised to crash: his brother. Scott was standing a little way off, leaning against the work top, his own mug nestled comfortably in his hands. Just like Virgil, he too was watching his younger brother, almost as if he was trying to gauge a reaction. John didn't realise that the pair of them had seen his actions with Gordon, that they knew that the star gazer had come to realise just what he had been doing. Now it was just a matter of where to go next.

"Coffee?" Scott's voice broke through the silence, but judging by the withering look that Virgil shot him over his shoulder, the eldest brother knew that his voice had sounded as fake to his brothers as it had done to him. He didn't know what else there was to say, in all reality. John knew now that they all were aware that something was wrong, and Scott especially knew precisely what the problem was. It was now down to John to dictate their next moves.

"Please," John muttered, still refusing to look directly at his siblings as he moved across the room, hitching himself with a well-practised ease onto the nearest stool. Scott carefully poured out another mug before putting it down on the top. Catching John's eye, he grinned slightly, before pushing the mug, causing it to slide at a slightly reckless speed across the top towards his brother. Automatically, John reached up his own hand, timing it to perfection as the mug slipped straight into it. Unable to hide the smile teasing around his lips, he quickly raised it to his mouth, wondering what Scott was expecting of him.

"Virg, what happened when I tried that with you?" Scott suddenly asked, sounding genuinely curious. As Virgil glared at him – he knew Scott knew the answer, the smashed cup was resting in the garbage not five paces from him- Scott tilted his head towards John slightly. Frowning quizzically, Virgil knew where Scott was going with this when his older brother shook his head slightly.

"Fine, so I missed. Just because you two have been doing that for years doesn't mean the rest of us can." Deliberately trying to make his voice sound put out, Virgil found he was instinctively following Scott's gaze and watching John for a reaction. Before he could hide it, his small smile was seen by both of his brothers, and, leaping on it, Scott wasted no time.

"And what happens when you and John go out into the observatory? Or when Gordon drags Johnny late night fishing, because he doesn't want the rest of us there because we aren't good enough for it? Or when Alan slips out onto John's balcony?"

"What are you doing, Scott?" John interrupted quietly; judging by the way Scott had straightened up that his brother was up to something. Not to mention that his choice of words was baffling John. One glance at Virgil showed the younger man had no clearer idea of where their brother was going than John did.

"We need you, John. We need our brother."

"And he needs us," Virgil supplied, finally picking up on what Scott was doing. He was naming all the occasions where each brother turned to John. No one other than the elder blond would do in that sort of situation, and Scott could only hope that it would get through to his supposedly intelligent younger brother and make him see that they would be completely lost without him. Looking at John now, Scott knew that _he_ was lost without _them_. He had clearly begun to shut himself away the moment the doubts began to creep in, and had let his mind drag him down into a spiral, the result being him feeling more isolated than ever.

"Johnny?"

Shaking his head mutely, John put down his cup, letting his head rest in his hands, obscuring his face from view. Why was it they always managed to say the exact thing that was playing on his mind? He did need them; there could be no denying that. But he didn't know how to say it. He was more than used to keeping things to himself; having four brothers meant there was nearly always some sort of emergency occurring within the household, and as his fears had no physical reaction, the blond just assumed they would take back seat. Especially when considering how broken up over the attack Alan still was. But he knew by the way his brothers were talking that he had been wrong. Gordon was right when he said that the only thing holding John back was himself. If he had opened up as soon as he started to feel alone, the rest of the family would have immediately set him on the right path. Whilst he knew that now, and was thankful they knew, John still couldn't face the thought of having to return to Five. Before the attack, maybe he could have managed it, but now?

With his head buried, John didn't notice his brothers move until he felt Scott's steady hand resting lightly in the middle of his back, automatically rubbing soothingly between his shoulder blades. Virgil was standing directly next to his biggest brother, his own hand stopping on John's shoulder.

"It's okay, Johnny," Scott muttered, his voiced barely audible. "You'll be okay, we're here."

"I'm sorry," John mumbled, his own voice lost in his hand. He couldn't face raising his head now, not now that he knew they really were here for him. To look at them now would be accepting that he had been wrong for this whole time, that he was a fool for not seeing what was right in front of his eyes.

"We all are," Virgil responded, giving John's shoulder a quick squeeze before moving away. The last thing he wanted was to pressurise his brother; he certainly didn't want John trying to make a run for it. Turning towards the door, he smiled gently at seeing Alan framed in the doorway, his posture practically mirroring the position in which John had stood. Confusion and exhaustion was etched into his face, and, crossing the room, Virgil placed his hands on his littlest brother's shoulders, looking Alan up and down.

"I'm fine, Virg," Alan moaned, attempting to push the medic away but finding he couldn't shake off Virgil's grip. Finishing his virtual scan of the kid, Virgil then placed a finger under Alan's chin, tilting his head first one way and then the other.

"How are the bruises? Head giving you any trouble?"

"Virg, leave him."

Ignoring John's attempt to make him back away, Virgil didn't glance from Alan's annoyed expression.

"You know, I do have this pain," Alan began, unable to believe that Virgil didn't notice the way his eyes suddenly glinted dangerously.

"Where?"

"In my ass. I think it is called Virgilitis."

Ignoring Scott's failed attempt to cover up his amusement with a hasty cough, Virgil pulled back, sighing as he attempted to shoot Alan a glare. Cuffing his little brother around the head, he rolled his eyes as he moved back towards the coffee pot. Only to have Scott suddenly teleport across the kitchen and block his way.

"What are you doing now, Scott? Another of your great plans?"

"Nope, just stopping you from having more coffee."

"You're _what_?"

This time, it was Alan who had trouble masking his amusement as he slipped into the seat next to John, smiling resignedly at the searching look his older brother gave him. Seemingly satisfied, John nodded gently, before turning his attention back to his immediate older and younger siblings, wondering where this was going to go. Scott had always been adamant about keeping his younger brothers away from the coffee. John himself had only got away with it because Scott had relied on him so much after their mother had died; it was usually too late by the time he realised how much his brother had consumed. The others, however, didn't stand a chance.

"You've had three, Virg, that's enough."

"I've also had no sleep. Come on, Scott, give me a coffee."

"Then go and get some more rest."

"I just need a pick me up, I'll be fine. What if there is a rescue? Gordon's already out of it."

"If there is a rescue, caffeine isn't going to help you. A few hours sleep, however, will."

"Just give me the damn coffee, Scott!"

"No chance."

As Alan finally was unable to contain his mirth any longer and simply burst out laughing - causing his older brothers to look towards him as if surprised by the reaction - John couldn't help but smile, a genuine one emerging from being around his family. This was what he missed when he was on Five, the general day-to-day things: the clashing of tempers, the joy of just being around each other. Their disagreement momentarily forgotten, Scott and Virgil shared a look as they caught sight of the expression on their troubled brother's face. Maybe it wasn't too late to help John after all.

"Good morning, boys." Jeff's voice signalled his approach the moment before he entered the kitchen himself, coming to a stop behind his two blond sons and resting a hand comfortably on each of their shoulders as he regarded their brothers from across the room. Immediately knowing by their positions what was going on, Jeff smiled. They must go through this argument every day at the moment; the sleep-deprived Tracys finding their stubbornness coming out in force.

"How many?"

"One."

"Three."

Virgil and Scott responded simultaneously, causing Virgil to shoot his brother a glare before sheepishly turning to face his father. Raising his eyebrows, Jeff fondly shook his head at the flush beginning to work its way up Virgil's neck.

"What? I'm tired!" Virgil protested, not realising that he was simply digging himself a deeper hole as he tried his best to glare at his blond brothers smirking at him from across the room.

"Come on, Virg," Scott said gently, tugging on the back of Virgil's shirt and beginning to pull him from the room. "You need some sleep, kiddo."

"No more than you do," Virgil grumbled, but seemed to realise that he was fighting a losing battle and so allowed Scott to pull him from the room. Just before he disappeared from sight, however, he stuck his head back around the door and gave his two remaining brothers a swift, searching look before Scott's superior strength pulled him away.

For a moment, an uncomfortable silence fell across the room, Jeff desperately wanting to say something to John, but not knowing what words were best to approach the subject. The last thing he wanted was to push his son away. As Alan moved to get some food, Scott meandered back in, looking more than pleased with himself.

"Well?"

"Asleep almost before his head touched the pillow. Gordon's still soundo as well."

"Thank god for that," Jeff whispered, sending a heartfelt thanks to whomever it was out there. If the sons who weren't plagued by the nightmares could get at least a few hours sleep, tempers would be under a firm control. A caffeine-hyped, yet sleep-deprived Virgil, however, was only going to spell trouble.

Now that Alan's mind was elsewhere, Jeff knew that the time had come to turn his attention to his second born.

"John?" His voice soft so as not to draw attention to what it was he wanted to say, Jeff laid a hand gently back on his son's shoulder. Scott immediately stiffened, the argument from the night before clearly playing on his mind as he wondered how his father was going to address the issue at hand. One thing he was certain about, however, was that Jeff was not going to be given the chance to upset John further, not whilst Scott was around.

"Can I have a word in my office, son?"

"No," John responded immediately, causing his father's hand to tighten in warning on his shoulder. John knew exactly why his father wanted to speak to him, especially in private. After all, there weren't many occasions where John had completely broken down in his brother's arms. Before anything else could be said, however, he quickly pressed on.

"I don't want to do this with just the two of us, Dad. I want everyone to be there."

"Are you sure?" This time it was Scott voicing what was going through not only his head, but his father's as well. John had always been the most withdrawn out of the Tracys, and for him to suddenly declare he wanted a family sized heart-to-heart made Scott feel uneasy.

"Yeah." Thinking back on what Gordon had said in his room, the astronaut smiled somewhat bitterly. "Hiding things never works."

"No, son, it doesn't. Do you want us to wait for your brothers, or get it done now?"

"Dad, you're making it sound like a medical procedure," Scott interrupted gently, knowing that Jeff was feeling slightly out of his depth with this one. He had kept the boys holding themselves together, not letting them give up hope when they had been trapped aboard Thunderbird Five, and Scott knew that if it was just the attack that was the issue, it would be no problem. It was the fact that this had been going on for longer and, despite his words of the night before, Jeff hadn't noticed.

"So, Johnny, talk." Hitching himself onto the counter and ignoring his father's look, Scott instead fixed his brother with one that John knew too well. It was Scott's way of saying that he wasn't budging until John had opened up. Smiling gratefully – for something told John that Scott's method was going to be a lot more relaxed than their father's – John started speaking.

He was still talking several hours later when Gordon came wandering in, looking more than dishevelled, but with his eyes brighter than when John had last seen him. Slipping into a seat next to Alan, the redhead automatically draped his arm over his little brother's shoulders and stayed quiet, knowing immediately what he had walked in on.

How long John kept going, he didn't know. All he knew was that he was talking in a way he hadn't done for months. All the things he had kept bottled up whilst he was alone on Five were suddenly pouring out, reducing him to tears more than once as he finally came clean about how he was feeling.

Eventually, his hoarse voice ran out of words to say, and breaking off, John glanced down at his folded hands in his lap. He couldn't remember the last time he had talked like that, let the rest of the family know precisely what was going through his head rather than putting up the same front that he used in rescues and hoping no one would notice.

Knowing his brother couldn't physically say anything else, Scott slipped off the counter from where he had been fidgeting for the last hour or so and walked slowly across the kitchen. Coming to a stop next to his brother, he rested his hands on John's shoulders, looking his little brother directly in the eye.

"Better?" he asked gently, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips in such a compassionate way that John instantly felt ashamed of himself for not going to him beforehand. Mutely nodding, he found that he couldn't look away from Scott's eyes, just reassuring himself that his brother didn't think anything less of him for appearing so weak.

"Never." His smile widening at John's disbelieving look, Scott winked. "Biggest brother's prerogative, mind-reading skills are part of the deal."

"John... what... what do you want to do now?"

John didn't think he had ever heard his father sound so hesitant, even when four out of his five sons had been falling asleep next to him, never to wake again if it hadn't been for the youngest member of their family.

"Sleep," John answered honestly, feeling more than drained after his speech. He knew that wasn't what his father meant, but right now, he certainly wasn't thinking clearly enough to make decisions that not only involved his future, but also the future of any potential victims. That was not something that could be considered when running on three hours sleep. Luckily, his father seemed to appreciate what John meant, and stretching up from where he was sitting, he gently took his son by the arm and for the second time that day began to help John down the corridor.

Before he could leave the kitchen, however, Gordon suddenly bounded in front of his brother, stopping the pair of them from leaving. His eyes narrowed as he searched John's face intently, almost as if he was looking for something.

"Gordon, what are you doing?" Scott sighed, sounding more than exasperated as he made to move across the kitchen and remove his younger brother from John's path. "Let the guy sleep."

"Stay there, Scott," Jeff gently ordered, knowing precisely what was going on. He would never forget the look on Virgil's face when he found his son taking refuge in the hospital gardens after Gordon's accident and after a fair amount of prompting, Jeff had finally discovered just how close to giving up Gordon was. Knowing that his artistic son had done everything Jeff would be able to do, the father had never told his fourth born that he knew, instead just watching him that bit more closely, prepared to intervene if the sparkle in his son's eye didn't seem as genuine as it should. Even now, he was not precisely sure what Virgil had said, but whatever it was had done the trick. And if there was anyone that would be able to tell whether John was holding anything else back, it was the prankster.

"Idiot," Gordon eventually muttered, reaching up and swatting his brother around the head, shaking his own fondly at the same time. Just as he made to move out of the way, John reached out a hand, pulling Gordon in and subjecting the younger man to one of his rare hugs.

"Thanks, Gordy," he whispered quietly in his brother's ear, making sure no one else heard their words. The others didn't realise that it was Gordon who had finally opened John's eyes to what an idiot he had been, and whilst they had no need to know, John certainly wasn't going to let his little brother think he didn't appreciate it.

"Don't be such an ass again, you got it?" Gordon muttered, a playful smile making its way onto his face as the teasing glint John had spent last night looking for finally relit itself in Gordon's eyes. Smiling, John gently nodded, letting go of his brother and letting Jeff lead him away.

"You okay, Gords?" Scott called across, sitting back down again but stretching his arms above his head with a sigh as he did so. Despite having sent Virgil to bed, Scott too was feeling the effects of the broken sleep patterns that had fallen over the family. He had managed no sleep at all, unable to shake the image of John slipping under the waves from his head, but his little brothers didn't need to know that.

"I'm dandy." Gordon responded simply, sounding happy enough. Watching him critically for a moment, Scott knew better than to try to find outwhat had occurred between Gordon and his older blond brother. There was only one topic that made Gordon close up so tightly that no one – not even Jeff – could get through to him, and something, perhaps instinct, told the oldest brother it was that forbidden topic which had been discussed.

"And how are you doing, Allie?"

"What?" Jumping almost a foot in the air, Alan looked around almost guilty until his eyes fell on Scott watching him with ill-concealed amusement. As soon as John had stopped talking, Alan had felt his attention drift. It had always been hard enough to hold the youngest Tracy's attention, but considering his lack of sleep, it was proving to be more challenging than normal. Glancing towards Gordon in search of what Scott had just said, Alan grinned at the look his copper-haired sibling sent him. It was the look that clearly said Scott had just asked the one thing he asked each of them about ten times a day.

"I'm _fine_," Alan answered, an almost forceful note entering his voice. He was sick of them asking whether he was okay or not, treating him as if he was nothing more than a kid even after everything he had done. But considering the events of the morning, Alan had no desire to try and act like he was hiding anything, for he knew that Scott's big brother sensors would be on full alert.

"Good, then you can accompany me to the mainland."

"What?" Alan repeated, only this time, a slightly fearful tremble made itself known. Sighing deeply, Scott moved across to stand in front of his brother.

"You can't hide here forever, Alan."

"Who says I'm hiding from anything?" Alan responded defensively, once more turning to Gordon for help. But this time, Gordon was not his partner in crime but his big brother, and to Alan's annoyance, he was almost mirroring Scott's expression.

"Then you won't have a problem coming over with me."

"But Scott..."

"Alan, both Fermat and Tin-Tin have faced it."

"Yeah, on some science conference Brains wanted to go to. And Tin got to go with Lady P."

"They still faced it."

"I'm not scared!"

"C'mon, Sprout, it's okay," Gordon interrupted, knowing that Scott and Alan's tempers were too similar for them to get through a conversation like this without one of them sparking off the other. "You've refused to even think about leaving the island since the attack. You'll have to do it at some point, Spring Break doesn't continue forever, you know."

"But I'm fine."

"Then you'll go with your brothers." Jeff had reappeared in the doorway, surveying the scene with concern glinting in his eyes. Virgil had rolled back out of bed again, standing like a shadow behind his father. As soon as Jeff moved slightly, he headed straight for the coffee pot, but, recognising the warning look in Jeff's pointed gaze, Scott didn't move. His little brother must have managed about four hours sleep in the time that John had been talking and Scott didn't exactly have a good reason to prevent him from getting another drink.

"But I..."

Gordon, however, had noticed something in Jeff's words, and interrupting his brother, the aquanaut cut in.

"_Brothers? _I thought it was just Scott who was going to the offices."

"You can all do with a change of scenery," Jeff said sternly, fixing Gordon with a look he knew not to argue against. "After all, it's not just Alan that hasn't left. And John could do with getting away from here for a while, to have some space."

"How is he?" Virgil asked, trying to stifle a yawn at the same time. He had exited his room just as Jeff had walked out of his brother's, and Virgil knew instantly by his father's posture that John had opened up. Despite being slightly annoyed that he wasn't around to have witnessed it and so be able to help his brother, Virgil was just glad that the star-lover was now letting them in.

"He has a lot to think about," Jeff responded evasively, not prepared to dive back into the state of his second born's mind. "But first thing in the morning, once you've had some rest, you are all going over to the mainland. And no, Scott, you can't go now. You might be able to fool your brothers into thinking you've had some sleep, but it doesn't work on me."

As Gordon and Alan exchanged gleeful grins at the put-out expression on their biggest brother's face, Jeff found himself smiling softly. Whilst normally wanting to strangle the Terrible Two, he would do anything to have them reappear again. It had been a side of Alan that had been missing for far too long. But even Gordon had changed as his little brother had drawn away, especially when Alan was at Wharton's. The prankster didn't have any one he could unwind with after a rescue, instead having to vent out his adrenaline in a physical manner, causing Jeff to have to keep an eye on him whilst he was in the pool. It had been known for the swimmer to simply run out of energy halfway through a lap.

"Well, I'm heading down to the silos; I need to finish checking what the bastard did to my 'bird." Virgil spoke quietly into the silence that had fallen, heading towards the door as he spoke. "You two coming?"

Nodding, both Gordon and Scott stood up, both of them somewhat anxious to check over their own 'birds since they too had been in their little brother's inexperienced hands. As Alan's face fell at his brothers automatically slipping back into their roles as members of International Rescue rather than his family, Scott paused. With a quick glance at his father, Scott smiled in appreciation as Jeff nodded his permission.

"I need a hand, Allie. You busy?" As Alan's face lit up, Jeff was forcibly reminded of the six-year-old at Christmas time. As Alan bounded after them, a spring once more emerging in his step, the father of five sat down heavily, running a hand over his eyes wearily. He could only hope that a trip to the mainland would be what his boys needed, some time for just the five of them, away from the restraints of living on an island.


	5. Chapter 5

**Another huge thank you for all of the reviews, especially those I can't respond directly too! I love the way none of you trust me!**

The next morning dawned bright and clear, with just a small cloud covering scattered across the sky. Scott declared flying conditions to be perfect, much to Alan's annoyance. Surprisingly, the youngest member of the family had slept reasonably well, despite his trepidation regarding the trip to the mainland. He knew his brothers didn't understand why he wanted to stay on the island when the attack had proved that their home was anything but secure against unwanted visitors, but now that all four of his brothers as well as his father were there with him and making him feel more included than he had done for years, Alan didn't want to leave that sanctuary again.

Unfortunately for him, trying to say no to Scott was like picking a fight with a brick wall, and Alan knew from the looks everyone else was giving him that he would be receiving no back up with this, not even from Gordon. They were determined to get him off the island, and whilst the teenager knew it was for his own good, he couldn't help but feel annoyed that they weren't even trying to see things from his point of view. The only thing that was making him feel slightly better, however, was that he was not the only Tracy on the receiving end of the concerned looks; John too was getting his fair share of them, especially from Scott and Virgil. Considering their performance the day before, Gordon was amazingly relaxed around his brother, giving John a deep searching look in the kitchen that morning, but then simply treating him as if nothing had happened. Judging by the grateful look his brother had shot Gordon, Alan knew that was what John had been hoping for.

Now, however, Alan knew he had no chance of persuading anyone to help him. Scott had already started pre-flight procedures, almost as if he knew that Alan would run for it given half the chance. If he was honest, the thought had crossed his mind, but judging by the way Gordon was fidgeting uncomfortably, Alan knew without having to think about it that he wouldn't be alone in making a run for redheaded sibling hated having to sit still for any length of time, and a trip over to the mainland for no other reason than because he was told to go wasn't going to sit too well. Scott was flying, with Virgil acting as co-pilot and their three brothers strapped into the back of the family jet. After an incident years ago, Scott still refused to fly with Gordon in the cockpit with him - whether it was the jet or his 'bird - and after a pointed look, Gordon had sighed somewhat dramatically before closing his mouth, his question of who was co-piloting being swallowed down again as Virgil moved past him, bumping his little brother deliberately on the shoulder on his way past.

With a rumble, the engines sparked into life and the plane began to slowly taxi out of the hanger and down the runway situated along the length of the island. Sighing heavily, Alan watched the island disappear quickly into a small speck out of the window, barely noticing the moment when Scott lifted off.

"So, anyone know where we are going?" Gordon eventually asked after they had been flying in a companionable silence for a short time. John had produced a book from somewhere, but at his brother's question, he lowered it thoughtfully, glancing out of the corner of his eye to where Scott and Virgil were sitting talking quietly, the plane practically flying itself as Scott kept it in check with just a few touches of his practiced hand.

"I know Scott needed to head into the offices to drop something off for Dad."

"Then why do we all have to go?" Alan moaned, making John smile despite himself. Even as a young child, Alan had always hated being dragged into the offices, something he had been forced to go through more often than his brothers. With Scott and John being away at college and the two middle brothers old enough to entertain themselves, Jeff often had no choice but to take his youngest son with him when he travelled to New York, something Alan was still annoyed about now.

"Do you fancy being the one to tell Dad that you don't want to go?" Gordon asked, one eyebrow raised as he jogged his leg up and down where he was sitting, seemingly oblivious to the slightly murderous looks John was sending him.

"I tried," Alan pouted, folding his arms across his chest and sliding down further in his seat, causing both his older brothers to smirk.

"Not go down too well? _OW!"_

Before Alan had the chance to answer, John's book came slamming down on Gordon's tapping leg, forcing the limb to stay still, even as the redhead glared at his brother. Looking steadily back, John was the first to crack, a small smile forcing its way through. As soon as he caught sight of it, Gordon also grinned, and within moments, both brothers were laughing.

"What?" Alan exclaimed, looking between them in confusion. Gordon merely shook his head, unable to form a sentence. His younger brother hadn't seen the John Gordon had, hadn't had to witness his brother at his most vulnerable.

Silence fell across the brothers for a while, John going back to his book and pointedly ignoring Gordon humming under his breath. The companionship that they offered without having to say anything passed the time with ease, and after a few hours, Scott's voice came floating back through to them

"Okay, guys, we are coming into land, buckle up."

"Did you break the sound barrier this time, Scott?" Gordon chortled, but sat back in his seat obligingly, John mirroring his position. Watching his older brother out of the corner of his eye, Gordon smiled secretly to himself. He may have missed half of whatever it was John had got off his chest the morning before, but it had certainly done the blond more good than anyone could put into words. For the first time since they had arrived on a failing Thunderbird Five, Gordon felt like he truly had his big brother back. Whether or not John realised that, however, still remained to be seen.

Within half an hour, all five Tracy brothers were strolling casually along the crowded New York streets, heading towards the office block in the distance that all of them – even Scott – had been going to for as long as they could remember. The five of them certainly made an impressive sight, walking side by side as they cut a path through the busy commuters. Their tanned skin seemed to contrast against the paleness of those who were stuck in an office five days a week, their strong and fit builds giving them a quiet strength that no one would dare contemplate crossing, even Alan holding his own against his brothers. Not that they had any idea of how many heads they were turning however, especially from those trying to work out where they had seen the faces before. After all, despite their father's passionate desire for privacy, the press had managed to get snapshots of all five sons of the famous Jeff Tracy at various points throughout their lives.

"Just think, this could have been us if Dad hadn't met Brains," John eventually muttered under his breath, his words just audible to his brothers. Suddenly hit by a burst of inspiration, Virgil smirked.

"It wouldn't be you, Johnny; you'd probably on the moon."

As Scott looked at him, Virgil winked, his brother nodding in appreciation. It didn't matter whether International Rescue was set up or not, the chances were that John would not be with the rest of the family: his ambition simply took him far away from earth's atmosphere. If they could get their brother to see that, Scott knew that John would be a lot happier about returning to Five. His place was among the stars, it was where he was meant to be. Now that he had voiced what was troubling him, Scott was sure that it wouldn't be long until John himself felt the restraints of the earth and longed to be among the stars once more. And when that day came, Scott knew that his little brother would truly be alright.

John, however, was no longer listening. Instead, his eyes were narrowed as he fixed his gaze on something in the distance - or more specifically, some_one_.

"Johnny, you still with us, man?" Gordon's voice – not to mention the sharp nudge in the ribs from his suddenly very pointy elbow – quickly brought John's attention back to his siblings.

"Hmm?"

"John, what's wrong?"

"I know him," John muttered, more under his breath again than in answer to Scott's question. There was something exceedingly familiar about the lanky man lurking – somewhat suspiciously in John's mind – around the bottom of the Tracy Tower.

"Who? John!"

But John was already gone, pushing his way through the crowds milling around the entrances to his father's offices, his eyes firmly fixed on the person standing in the shadows. The man almost seemed to sense John's piercing gaze, and the second he caught sight of the fast-approaching blond, he vanished around the corner. Maybe it was the instinct that he had honed from having four brothers and being in the rescue business, but John knew immediately that something was very wrong.

Speeding up, he was barely aware of Gordon and Virgil gaining on him, Scott keeping pace with Alan to make sure the fourteen-year-old wasn't left on his own. Racing around the corner, John pulled up sharply at the fact that no one was present. He knew the building well, knew for a fact that this corner led only into a dead end. But there was no one there. His heart pounding somewhat frantically, John ignored the warnings his head was screaming at him, and instead stepped further into the shadows of the building.

"Rob? Is that you?"

"Who are... John?" Finally, the man John had been searching for revealed itself, barely five paces in front of him. The dark clothing and the shadows had done their job in obscuring the features of the man, but John still knew him well enough. Rob Freeman had been in the same year as John at school, even joining him at Harvard. But John knew full well that he didn't get in on his own merit. Rob had something of a reputation for sticking with people that he thought would get him places, John being one of them. His father's wealth and his own brains had made John an easy target for Rob, but the dark haired man had not been impressed when he realised that John Tracy was not someone who would let anyone copy from him. From the moment John had turned him in at Harvard after catching him stealing someone else's paper and claiming it was his own, Rob had sworn revenge on the young man.

"What are you doing here, John?"

"I could ask you the same thing," John responded slowly. The brothers hadn't learnt to listen to their instincts for nothing, and John knew that something was going on. The way Rob's eyes kept darting nervously between John and the brightly lit street behind the blond was evidence enough of that. But before either man had the chance to take their conversation any further, John sensed someone behind him.

He didn't have time to turn, however, before the cold edge of a blade was placed against his neck, his assailant's free arm reaching around and twisting John's up behind him.

"Rob, what is going on?" Despite the number of times his voice had cracked over the last few days, John was remarkably proud of how steady it sounded now. He knew that all four of his brothers had been coming after him, knew that nothing could happen before they got here. As usual, the rest of the family were coming for him, and just like that, John realised just what an idiot he had been. It didn't matter whether he was feeling isolated or had some creep pressing a knife against his throat, the rest of the family were never far away.

"He knows you by name?" the man holding John said quietly, his voice making the blond shudder. He knew just by the tone of voice that this man meant business. What was worrying the Tracy, however, was just what this business might be. Trying to warn Rob without words not to say anything that could possibly land him in more danger, John rolled his eyes as the other man nodded.

"We went to school together."

"So he knows you of old?"

"Yeah."

"You know what we said about loose ends?" the man snarled, pressing the blade even closer and causing John to try and tilt his head back in order to avoid the cold edge of the knife.

"But..."

To John's relief, a look of uncertainty shot across Rob's face. He had been worried that the man hated him so much that he would be prepared to watch his 'friend' kill the man who had refused to let him copy. At least this way, he would have something to work with.

"Let him go!"

Unable to stop the relieved smile from flitting momentarily across his face, John had never been so thankful to hear Virgil's voice as he was at this moment in time. As the man spun the pair of them around, John shot his little brother a grateful smile, only to be met with a concerned look in response. One hand was still holding onto Gordon, the older brother clearly having pulled the younger man up short on catching sight of John's predicament, attempting to force his little brother behind him. Gordon, however, wasn't having any of it as he looked nothing short of murderous. It was yet another side to his normally care-free brother that John had not seen before. But the last few days had taught him a lot about his copper-haired sibling.

Just as he made to open his mouth to say something to his brothers, however, the astronaut felt his heart leap into his mouth as four more men unfolded themselves from the shadows, effectively surrounding the Tracy family.

"Virgil! Gordon! Get out of here!"

Hearing John's warning, both brothers turned, Gordon cursing colourfully as he saw that their escape route was now cut off. The man holding John, however, froze.

"Virgil and Gordon? Wait, you don't mean to say... You always said that you were the same age as John Tracy, did you not, Rob?" Never mind his previous worry about himself, John found that he was now glaring at Rob as the man moved back into his eye line. If the man said anything that would potentially put his little brothers in danger, John was personally going to rip him limb from limb with his bare hands. Unfortunately, Rob once again nodded.

"Men, looks like the Tracy boys have come to protect their Daddy's wealth. Where are the rest of you then?"

"Right here," a cool voice responded as Scott stepped around the building, his eyes immediately assessing the situation. To his horror, however, Alan stepped around the corner with him.

"And here."

"I told you to get help," Scott hissed, sparing his littlest brother a sideways glance.

"I didn't know what I was getting help for," Alan responded, sounding slightly angry at his brother. Before anything else could be said, however, two of the men leapt at Virgil and Gordon. Grabbing Alan by the arm, Scott quickly propelled the youngest member of the family back towards the well-lit street.

"Don't let him escape!" the man holding John cried. The second oldest brother had decided that this was clearly the man in charge, especially considering the way the remaining two men leapt towards the exit at his cry. What they hadn't banked on, however, was having to get past Scott. Spinning on the spot, the ex-Air Force pilot grabbed one of the men by the arm, letting the momentum carry them both before pushing him into his friend, sending both men sprawling. As the older man tensed, clearly working out whom he could help the most; John couldn't help but chuckle drily.

"Man, you messed with the wrong family," he said quietly, his tone a mix of sarcasm and danger. Immediately kicking out at John's knees, his captor quickly pushed him to the ground, finally letting go of his arm. But John didn't have long to feel relieved as the man grabbed a fist full of his hair, yanking him back into a kneeling position before replacing the knife and causing him to gasp slightly in pain.

"Enough!" he yelled, but no one heard him. Gordon was attempting to fend off one of the men, who by this point had picked up a long length of metal piping. The past that the redhead normally hid away was clearly coming to the surface, however. John may have been surprised to see the Gordon who had managed to get through to his withdrawn brother, but he was even more so at seeing Gordon's military side come out. As his brother casually ducked the swinging pipe before twisting it around his arm and pulling it from the man's grip, his expression completely neutral, John couldn't help but wonder just what his second youngest brother was capable of. He had heard about – and even seen - some of the reports of what Scott had got up to during his time in the Air Force, meaning he wasn't the slightest bit surprised to know that his big brother could hold his own in a fight. What he had never properly contemplated, however, was that Gordon had been put in very similar situations. Just because the young man tended to brush everything off with a joke and a laugh didn't mean he couldn't be deadly when the time was right. Watching him now, John became aware of just how much he had missed out on in his brothers' lives.

Virgil wasn't faring as well, however. Whilst the man who had originally sprung at him had received more than a few blows himself, he was slowly but surely backing the artist up against the wall, leaving Virgil with very little manoeuvring room. Attempting to climb to his feet in order to go and help his brother, John practically growled as the man kept him down. Drawing a foot under him, he then lashed out backwards, causing his captor to slip. Luckily for John, his arm swung wild, allowing the blond to duck under the knife and scramble to his feet.

With his only thought being to get to Virgil, John didn't notice the man move until a hand caught around his ankle, bringing the young man crashing back down to the floor. Winded, John could only lie there for a few moments, vaguely aware of Gordon's language getting worse as things began to spiral out of control for the Tracys. Finally managing to glance up again, John felt his heart sink. The two remaining men were taking on Scott, and unfortunately for him, winning. There could be no doubt that the pilot was giving them more than a challenge, but his worry for his brothers was distracting him, and the men were making good use of their higher numbers.

Gordon had managed to get the piping as far away from him as possible, leaving it firmly out of the gang's reach, but Rob had clearly begun to see how much of a threat the young Tracy was and was helping his companion keep the man backed against the wall. Whichever way Gordon turned, there seemed to be someone there to block him. Not that that was going to stop Gordon however, and John couldn't help but smirk as Rob suddenly stepped away, howling as his hands clutched at his now bloody nose.

Virgil was in an even worse state. The man had finally begun to properly press his advantage, and as John glanced over frantically, managed to get Virgil on the floor. With one arm bent up behind him, John's immediate younger brother found himself in a situation that was mirroring John's previous one, all movement somewhat limited. Just as John made to move again, his own captor completely regained his senses, and springing forward, placed his foot firmly in the middle of John's back, keeping the blond firmly on the floor. Attempting to buck him off, John fought harder as the man produced a length of rope from seemingly nowhere and quickly pulled John's arms behind him. Struggling furiously, John couldn't dislodge his attacker and despite his anger, the boss didn't seem to notice as he tied the astronaut's hands behind his back. Unable to navigate himself off the floor, John could only watch as his brothers were slowly overcome.

"Scott!" Hearing Gordon's shout, John found that he automatically twisted his head towards his brother at the same time as Scott did. The pilot was somehow managing to keep the men at a distance, but even John could tell that he was tiring. Rob had backed off from trying to tackle Gordon, clutching at his nose and moaning pitifully, but the other man was still swinging wildly.

"4-7/68?" Gordon called over, and immediately a grin leapt onto Scott's face as he nodded. Despite lying flat out on the floor with his hands bound behind him, John was still able to trade a confused look with Virgil. His younger brother clearly had no idea what Gordon was talking about any more than John did. But by the time he glanced back again, Scott and Gordon had both moved. John didn't even have the words to describe what his brothers were doing; it almost looked like some crazy dance as they moved fluently, but within only seconds, all of their attackers were flat out on the floor, out cold. Grinning, Scott made his way over to his brothers, clapping Gordon on the shoulder as the pair of them turned simultaneously.

The man holding Virgil swallowed nervously as he caught sight of the look in Scott's eye. With a glance towards his boss – who shook his head warningly – the man shrugged, before letting go of Virgil, allowing the artist to immediately scramble to his feet, springing forward so that he was in line with his other brothers. Without having to ask, John knew that Virgil would feel safe there, especially considering what they had just witnessed the pair of them doing.

"The money was never going to be enough to cover all of this," the man muttered, stepping back and raising his hands until they were level with his head.

"Coward!" the boss hissed, bending down and pulling John back to his feet, the knife once more finding its way to the blond's throat. As one, Scott, Gordon and Virgil stepped forward, but the boss pointed the edge of the knife at them.

"No further," he warned, taking a step sideways and pulling John with him. As Rob scurried over to his boss's side, only just avoiding Gordon's deliberately placed leg, the man tossed John's former schoolmate the knife. Sighing in relief, John made to lash out again, only to freeze when he felt the cold muzzle of a gun being placed against his back. Very slowly, the man began to side step around the brothers, pulling the star-loving Tracy with him.

"Don't try and follow us," he said quietly, making a show of flicking the safety off the gun as Scott stepped forward, a low, guttural noise coming from the back of the eldest brother's throat.

"Let him go and you have my word no one will follow you," Scott responded, his voice low as he took an uncertain step towards the pair.

"Let him go?" It wasn't John's captor that answered Scott this time, however, but Rob, a mocking laugh forcing its way from his throat. "Don't think so. I remember you from school, Scott Tracy. I can still remember you beating the crap out of the last person who threatened John. There is no way your word means anything when it comes to your brothers."

Not knowing what to say, Scott could only watch as the man forced John forward again.

"What are you going to do, just walk down the street with a gun?" Virgil asked, sounding incredulous as he stepped forward to join Scott, staring at John in desperation. Trying to offer his little brother a reassuring smile, John knew by the look he received in response that it hadn't worked.

"Yep. Great thing about a crowded street, kid. No one looks twice." And with that, the man gave John another shove in the shoulder blades, pushing him out onto the street. Before John could react, his captor had pressed himself in close behind him, the gun still digging uncomfortably into his back. As the man forced him to walk forwards, John knew that his words were true. In the general mayhem of an ordinary day in New York, no one noticed the gun, nor the fact that John's hands were tied behind him.

"What are you going to do?" John asked quietly, only to receive a shove in response.

"Keep walking and stop talking." The hiss was only just audible in John's ear. His question, however, had done the job. The man had been distracted for just the length of time it took for John's well-practiced hand to find the button he was after on his watch. No matter where the man took him, the others would know where to find him.

It felt like they had been walking for hours, John desperately attempting to catch someone's eye, hoping that someone would notice things were not right with the strange trio, but as always in a busy city, people just glanced away again. Somewhere behind him, John knew that his brothers were following - keeping their distance in case the crazed man saw them, but following all the same.

Eventually, the boss reached forward, grabbing John's bound hands in his own and tugging the blond sideways, making sure that the gun didn't move. Allowing himself to be pulled down the side street, Rob leading the way, John couldn't help but swallow hard at the van that was waiting there. Whilst he knew that his brothers wouldn't stop following, this was going to make things awkward.

"Where the hell is the money?" an angry voice exclaimed, as yet another man stepped out of the vehicle, glaring angrily at John.

"This is the money," the boss snapped, giving John yet another fierce shove in the shoulder blades and causing him to stumble forward a pace. Rob scurried forward, opening the back of the van as the man forced John towards it. "He's one of Tracy's kids."

"One of the kids, eh?" The man leered, running his eyes over John. "He should be able to get us a bit more from the old man, right?"

"If you hurry up and move. There are another four of them out there somewhere." To the man's increasing annoyance, John refused to move forward any further. If they were really after money, then he knew full well that they wouldn't kill him, he was the only way they could hope to walk away with anything. But that just meant he certainly wasn't going to make things any easier. Digging his heels in, the blond refused to take another step.

"Damnit, boy, move!" As the boss began flourishing the gun in the air in agitation, Rob stepped forward.

"John, please, just get in. He'll hurt you otherwise."

"So attacking my brothers didn't already do that?"

"Enough!" Before John had time to even glance over his shoulder at the man, the hard edge of the butt of the gun came crashing down onto his head. Immediately dropping to the floor, John had just long enough to think one last thought before he lost consciousness.

It wasn't something that he had thought for a very long time, but right now, John Tracy wanted to go home.

**...okay, maybe you had reason not to trust me after all!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you so much for those gorgeous reviews, especially those I can't respond directly too!**

Staring out in desperation as John disappeared from sight, Virgil automatically stepped forward, starting in surprise when he felt Scott's hand close around his wrist.

"Scott, what are you doing? We have to go after him!"

"And we will," Scott responded, his voice almost sounding cool. Turning to face his oldest brother, disbelief etched into his face, Virgil was only vaguely aware that Gordon was mirroring his expression.

"_Will?_" Virgil repeated, sounding incredulous. Trying to take another step out of the alleyway, he all but growled in frustration as Scott pulled him to a stop once more. Before he could say anything else – or more specifically, demand of Scott why they weren't already forcing their way through the New York streets, attempting to rescue their brother – the older man raised his watch.

"Alan, where are you?" Shooting Virgil a glare as his younger brother attempted to prise the pilot's fingers away, Scott couldn't help but sigh irritably.

"Virgil, stop. We_ are_ going after him, but we have to trust John on this. Wait for his signal before you go charging off, otherwise you could get him killed!"

"Wait for his signal?" Virgil all but exploded. "Scott, have you been paying attention to the state of John's mind over the last couple of days? We'll be lucky if he knows _how_ to signal us."

"Scott, is that you?"

"Alan?"

"I'm on the next block, the cops are with me."

"Get them back here now then. We've got four men for them to arrest."

"Scott, what's going on?" Whatever his biggest brother was not saying hadn't slipped past the youngest. Briefly shutting his eyes for a moment, Scott paused.

"Just get back here, Allie."

"Why didn't you tell him?" Gordon asked quietly, watching Scott closely. He could tell by the older man's body language that what Scott was feeling and what he was telling Virgil were two completely different things. He wanted to be out there charging after John just as much as his younger brother did.

"I don't want the cops knowing, not yet," Scott muttered darkly. And just like that, Virgil stopped struggling against his brother, instead knowing precisely how the older man was feeling. He was going to make those men pay personally for hurting John, especially considering what his little brother had just been through. The cops were there to clean up the mess; the Tracys were there to get their brother back. The look on Scott's face was enough to make Virgil realise that the older man had no intention of letting anything happen to his brother, and it was then that the artist fully comprehended Scott's earlier words. He was right, as always. They couldn't go forcing their way through a street after being told not to follow. The sheer number of people simply restricted visibility too much. It would be so easy for their brother's captor to see them long before they caught sight of him. And it would be their brother who suffered for it.

Just as Alan came pelting around the corner, sirens wailing behind him, Scott's watch suddenly vibrated. Glancing down at it, the pilot's mouth set in a thin line, hard and determined. Virgil knew without having to ask that this was the signal that his older brother had been waiting for.

"Where's John?" Alan panted, glancing about him frantically when he took in the stances of three out of the four older brothers. When neither Scott nor Virgil answered him, Gordon stepped forward.

"They took him, Al."

"What do you mean, they took him? What are we standing around here for? Let's go!" And with that, the impulsive teenager turned on his heel and ran straight back out again. Glancing at Scott, Virgil caught sight of his brother's nod before he too moved. Alan hadn't made it very far when the rest of the brothers emerged from the alleyway themselves.

"So...where do we go now?" Alan asked uncertainly, glancing towards Scott for guidance. It had seemed like a good idea to spring straight into action, but now Alan realised why his brothers normally planned everything out carefully rather than just relying on impulse. Now he was out of the alley, he had no idea which direction he should head in to start looking for his brother. With a quick glance down at his watch, Scott nodded his head in a certain direction.

"This way. They seem to have stopped moving." As Gordon and Alan took the lead, somehow forcing their way through the crowds, Virgil dropped back to keep pace with Scott. They could hear the cops blocking the alleyway off behind them, quickly accompanied by the sound of a struggle. The police had made it in good time, considering that the men Scott and Gordon had so successfully knocked out were once more beginning to come back round again. Virgil couldn't help but feel glad that they were moving on, especially given the mood Scott was in. He didn't want the pilot to be around anyone who'd been responsible for hurting his little brothers; for Virgil was not sure he had the strength to hold the older man back. If he was completely honest, he wasn't even sure he would want to. They had just begun to get their old John back, there would be no telling what the attack could have done mentally to their brother, never mind physically.

"Are you okay?"

"When I can ask Johnny that, then you'll have your answer," Scott muttered, the helplessness once more reflected in his eyes.

"He'll be okay, you know, Scott. He's tough."

"Not as tough as we all thought, apparently," Scott responded softly, and Virgil became aware in that split second just how much John's breakdown had affected the oldest brother. He had always been able to look after them, ever since Virgil could remember. It had been a very long time indeed since Virgil had turned to his father to make a problem go away, Scott instead taking priority every time. And for John to have successfully hidden what was going through his mind from his only older brother for all of this time, Virgil knew it was killing him. He was lucky, the experience with Gordon in the hospital had given him some idea what to look for, for the defeated look in his brother's eyes when he told Virgil that he had given up hope of ever walking again was not something that was going to leave the artist any time soon, but Virgil knew that Scott hadn't had a clue, not really. It had taken the near-murder of the whole family before John had been able to open up. But even then, it had been more a case of not being able to keep it in rather than actually choosing to tell them. It was going to take quite some time before Scott would be able to say he was okay, especially as Virgil knew he was blaming himself for not having noticed.

"Scott, now where?" Only just registering that they had caught up with their two youngest brothers again, Scott glanced down at his watch. For a moment, he seemed confused by the reading he was receiving, but then suddenly gave a horrified shout, language coming out of his mouth that had his youngest brother staring at him in shock.

"They're moving. Fast. They must be in some kind of vehicle."

"There!" Gordon suddenly shouted, turning just in time to see a white van come flying out of a side street barely three paces in front of him. As it pulled recklessly out into the traffic, swerving around cars at a dangerous speed, Scott and Virgil shared one glance before taking off after it. Gordon made to step forward, fully intending to join in the chase, when he felt Alan disappear in the opposite direction. His big brother instincts kicking firmly in, the redhead turned. For a moment, panic gripped him when he realised that he couldn't see his younger brother. Letting instinct lead him, Gordon took off down the street in the direction his only little brother had taken, his eyes scanning the crowds frantically. He must have been running for a good five minutes or so, cursing the whole time that he was going in the opposite direction to wherever John was being taken, before he caught sight of something that made him stop still in shock. He was sure he had to be imaging things, but as Alan sped back into sight, he felt his mouth drop open in horror.

"Get in!" the youngest yelled, throwing open the passenger door as he pulled up alongside his brother. As Gordon just gaped at him, the teenager rolled his eyes. "I'll go without you, Gords."

Knowing that his brother was being serious, Gordon leapt in, only to try and wrestle the wheel away from his youngest sibling.

"Alan, move over _now__! _You don't even know how to friggin' drive!"

"Don't I?" Alan responded challengingly, touching his foot to the gas and causing the car to leap forward. With a startled yelp, Gordon found himself hanging on for dear life.

"Move over!"he yelled, resisting the urge to shut his eyes as traffic went whizzing past him. Instead, he leant over, attempting to prise Alan's hands away from the steering wheel. He already had one brother in danger, there was no way he was going to let another one head the same way.

"No! I can drive faster than you." Resisting Gordon as much as he could without taking his eyes off the road, Alan instead made use of his elbows, nudging the older man sharply in the ribs.

"Kid, you shouldn't even be driving. Now move before I make you!"

"You're not going to make me!"

"Oh, aren't I?" As Gordon's voice dropped in volume, Alan glanced over at his older brother, swallowing slightly at the look on the prankster's face. Gordon was not his best friend in this, but his big brother, and Alan knew the older man fully intended to make good on his threat. Before anything more could be said, however, he swerved the car up alongside Scott and Virgil, scrambling into the back as Scott glanced over, immediately jumping in.

As Virgil managed to wriggle his way in whilst the car was still moving, Scott glanced over his shoulder at his panting youngest brother.

"You stole a car?"

"Borrowed it," Alan muttered sheepishly, pointedly ignoring the glare that Gordon was shooting him. "It's one of Dad's anyway; I know where he keeps them in the parking lot."

"And then decided to drive it," Gordon muttered, but he might as well have shouted his response from the reaction he got from Scott. Immediately slamming on the brakes - Virgil would have been sent through the windscreen if it hadn't been for the seatbelt snapping taut - Scott turned to face his youngest brother, disbelief and anger written in equal measure across his face.

"You did what? Alan, you don't even know _how_ to drive!"

"He does, actually." Despite his anger at the kid, Gordon had to admit that it had been one of the smoothest high-speed drives he had experienced for quite a while. It certainly beat whatever it was Scott was doing now.

"Guys, John!" Virgil interrupted, knowing that Scott was going to have a heart attack if there were any more unexpected surprises. Shooting Alan one last glare – one that had the teenager shrinking back in his seat, knowing that this was far from over – Scott turned his attention back to the road, his eyes immediately seeking out the white van. Making the car shoot forward again, he somehow managed to work his watch off his wrist with one hand, handing it over to Virgil in order for the younger man to give him directions of where the van was heading. Making a mental note to once again thank Brains for the tracking devices buried deep within their watches, Scott slowly but surely began to gain on the van. As the signal from John's watch increased in strength, the brothers knew without thinking about it that they were following the right vehicle. There would be no escape for the men who had taken their brother.

After what felt like a high speed chase – although the volume of traffic meant they never actually went over the speed limit – Scott eased off a little. The road the van had taken was all but deserted, nothing more than a winding track. Sharing a glance with his siblings, Scott slowed the car down to almost a crawl. The last thing he wanted was for the driver to realise that they were being followed and panic. Not when John's life could be the forfeit.

As the van eventually turned off the winding road onto an even narrower one, Scott pulled the car to a stop, switching off the ignition as he bit his lip thoughtfully. The rest of the family didn't even need to ask, they knew their field commander was simply planning the best course of action. There was no way they could take the car down there; not without giving away that they were quite clearly following. Besides, the van was far better adapted to the bumpy track than their father's car was. When the silence stretched on for longer than he was comfortable with, Gordon felt the need to break it.

"Now what?"

"Alan, stay with the car."

"But..."

"Unless you want me to tell Dad what you just did?" As Alan turned bright red, sinking further down into his seat at Scott's look, the pilot continued. He thought that might have made Alan back down, especially considering the relationship between him and Jeff was only just beginning to heal again. It would only take one word on Scott's behalf, and Alan knew full well they would be back where they started. He didn't truly believe that his older brother would do it, but also knew that he had yet to see the full extent of Scott's anger over the stunt he had just pulled.

"Virgil, Gordon, with me. We're going in on foot."

"What about weapons?" Gordon asked softly, the sound of the safety catch being released as the gun was pressed into his brother's spine echoing through his ears even now.

"We'll use anything we can get," Scott responded, his eyes darkening. Sharing an anxious glance with Virgil, Gordon mutely nodded. He was now even more grateful that Alan was staying here, albeit for different reasons to Scott. It would keep the kid out of danger, but more than that, it would protect him from seeing a side to his brothers he had yet to experience. The Tracy boys were completely different people when someone needed rescuing. They all knew that Alan was excited about his new position within International Rescue, but Gordon also knew they were going to be keeping their youngest brother away from the frontline for as long as possible. They weren't brothers out there, they were rescuers. A subtle difference he knew Alan had yet to comprehend. They changed when they meant business. And with it being their brother in need of rescuing, there was no telling quite how far this change would go.

The three brothers all climbed somewhat awkwardly out of the car, and, sharing one last look, they set off down the track. They hadn't made it more than a few steps, however, when a voice called them back.

"Be careful, 'kay?" Alan demanded, his young face lined with worry as he bit his lip, clearly trying to keep control of his emotions. Striding back towards him again, Gordon clapped his younger brother on the shoulder.

"You too, Sprout."

Nodding his understanding with a slight smile, Alan backed into the car again. This time, no voice called them back, and, falling into step with one another, the three men walked slowly down the road in silence, not knowing what they were about to walk in on.

Luckily, the road, whilst being windy, was not that long, and it was only a few moments later when the van came into sight. Hearing voices, Scott immediately signalled something to Gordon, and as one, the pair of them dropped to the ground, pulling a surprised Virgil down with them. Once the artistic Tracy understood what was going on though, he quickly followed Scott's lead, and the three of them crawled the last stretch on their stomachs, keeping low to the ground.

"Someone grab him!"

Hearing the outraged shout, the three brothers shared a concerned look before Scott slowly raised himself to his feet, pausing in a crouch to make sure he hadn't been seen. Motioning for the younger two to stay where they were, he silently crept forward until the van was once more in sight.

Chaos reigned across the small area. A rundown house stood behind the van, its roof mostly crumbling in, but Scott saw enough to know this was where the gang had been hiding out. It wasn't the house or the van that caught his attention however. It was John.

It was clear even from this distance that the blond's hands were still tightly bound behind him, but John definitely wasn't making things easy for his captors. As Scott watched, his brother leapt out of the van, beginning to sprint straight towards where Scott was crouched. Raising himself up in order to draw his brother's attention, Scott couldn't help but growl as he caught sight of the matted blood caught in John's light hair. Scott knew instantly that John wasn't going to make it in time. Not only were his eyes slightly glazed, something Scott knew was connected with the blood, but the men were closing in behind him, fast. As a man Scott could only assume was the driver caught John by the arm, pulling him sharply backwards, Scott whistled shrilly.

As the man pulled him back, John found a sound caught his ear. The driver and Rob made short work of forcing him to his knees, but the second eldest Tracy son wasn't really paying them that much attention. He knew that noise. He had heard it more times than he could account for, as Scott had been using it to gain his brothers' attention for their whole lives. He knew that the rest of the family would have been following, but when he had regained consciousness in the back of a moving vehicle, he had felt his heart drop. They had walked from their aircraft hangar, knowing that it wasn't far enough to the office to hire a car as they otherwise would have done. John had been certain that he would have had to wait a considerable length of time before any attempt at a rescue. Hearing the noise, however, had once more given him hope. Despite the fact he was surrounded by the noises of suburban New York, John Tracy knew without a doubt that his big brother was somewhere close.

"I'm not sure whether you are worth the hassle, you know, Tracy." The boss suddenly stepped around the van, drawing his gun once more out of his belt as he regarded the kneeling man somewhat thoughtfully. "What would it matter if your father lost a kid or two? He's got enough."

Glaring at the man now standing in front of him, the gun aimed casually at his head, John attempted to hide the rising panic. It wasn't so much his physical being that he was worried about, but for the first time in a long while, John had once again been able to say that he was feeling part of the family; his behaviour with Gordon in the jet could account for that. The man's words, however, were unintentionally touching upon one of his deepest fears.

"And after all the crap I had to spout to _stop_ him thinking that?" a somewhat cheerful voice responded behind the man, causing John's mouth to drop open in surprise. The gang leader turned quickly, brandishing his weapon, but Gordon's fist connected long before that and the man hit the floor. Kicking out at his hand, the redhead quickly caused the gun to go spinning out to the side, way beyond anyone's reach, before turning and winking at John.

"Okay?" he asked casually, smirking at the stunned expression on his brother's face. As John mutely nodded, he found his eyes were drawn by the commotion that had suddenly erupted around him. Scott had taken out the driver, the man remaining motionless on the floor at the pilot's feet. Only the slight breaths he was taking stopped John thinking that his older brother had actually killed the man. Virgil had the struggling Rob in a headlock, but as John watched, reached into the man's back pocket before tossing Scott the knife the boss had previously used. Catching it expertly, Scott quickly made his way over to his brother, and, with one flick of his wrist, freed John. Accepting the helping hand gratefully, John allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, leaning on his big brother slightly as the world seemed to lurch alarmingly.

"You okay?" Scott asked softly, his eyes flickering in concern as he attempted to take a look at his brother's head, only to have his hands fondly batted away.

"I'm fine."

"John..."

"Scott, I'm fine," John repeated quietly, meeting his brother's gaze head on for the first time in a while. The last time he had looked Scott in the eye like this, he had been attempting to get the older man to leave him alone. It seemed like a very long time ago now.

"What do we do now?" Virgil cut in. Whilst part of him wanted his oldest brother to be satisfied that John was indeed alright – for all of their sakes – Rob was putting up more of a struggle than the artist was completely comfortable with. He had no desire to let the man who was ultimately responsible for the whole fight escape. John seemed to think for a moment, before bending down and picking up the same rope Scott had just cut away from his hands. Within only a matter of seconds, Rob was sitting on the floor; his hands tied level with his head against the van. He wasn't going anywhere.

Taking his brother by the arm, Gordon gently steered John away from the area, guiding him slowly back down the road. Despite his earlier flippancy, he couldn't help but worry about what the man's words had done to his brother. Gordon knew how much that touched upon what had been the trouble with John in the first place, but to his relief, the older man seemed to genuinely be okay. Although considering the way both Scott and Virgil were trying to out-do each other in an attempt to check his wound, Gordon couldn't help but wonder whether all five brothers would indeed make it home in one piece. As if picking up on his younger brother's train of thought, John suddenly frowned.

"Where's Alan?"

"With the car," Virgil responded quietly, attempting not to laugh at the way Scott's whole face clouded over as he thought back to their youngest brother's latest adventure.

"We have a car?" John blinked, deciding that the boss must have hit him over the head harder than he had originally thought.

"Not exactly," Gordon answered with a laugh. He had been furious with Alan beforehand, but seeing the tense posture of Scott's shoulders, he knew that his anger had nothing on what the oldest brother was feeling. He could at least give the kid a bit of a head start before kicking his ass.

"What?"

"Long story." By this point, the four brothers had made their way back up the beaten track, only to find an anxious younger brother waiting for them. Finding himself almost bowled over by the fierce hug he was suddenly subjected to, John tensed for a moment before relaxing. Welcoming the contact, he returned the embrace with equal strength, smiling into Alan's hair. Before long, however, the teenager pulled away, reaching up to cuff his brother lightly over the head.

"Mind not doing that to me again?"

"I'll try," John responded with a smile, reaching out and ruffling Alan's hair fondly. Ignoring the half hearted protests he got for his actions, John sighed deeply.

"Let's go home."

Leaning over, Virgil squeezed his brother's shoulder gently, knowing that those words had far more meaning than when they had been previously uttered. John truly was ready to go home. But watching him closely, Virgil wondered where the blond considered home to be. He had a feeling that the older man was not referring to Tracy Island.

Before any of the brothers could say anything else, however, the wail of sirens could be heard. Glancing down the road, Scott felt a rush of relief hit him at seeing the flashing lights heading their way, fast. Despite wanting to get John as far away as possible, the oldest brother knew they couldn't just leave the men the way they were. Scott was going to make sure his father's legal team made them properly pay for what they had done to his younger brother, and they couldn't do that if they managed to escape. The only way to do take care of both John and the gang was to split up, and that option had no more appeal than either staying or going. Raising an eyebrow, Scott turned towards Alan, who grinned.

"Thought you might need a hand," the youngster responded with a shrug, receiving a one-armed hug from Gordon. The redhead heard what none of the other brothers did in Alan's voice. The kid had been almost terrified. And considering that he had only just begun to recover from the whole family nearly being murdered, it came as no surprise to his immediate older brother.

As the cops pulled up, Scott and Virgil stepped away from the rest of the boys. The remaining Tracys couldn't hear what was being said, but as John watched, Virgil suddenly laid a reassuring hand on his brother's arm, obviously trying to keep Scott calm. Regardless of the way his head was thumping slightly, John couldn't help but smile. Scott was furious that someone had even considered hurting them, let alone gone through with it. Despite everything that had happened over the last few days, John knew that his brother was going to do everything in his power to make sure no one hurt John again. And that included John himself.

As Gordon frowned quizzically at him, John shook his head softly, not wanting to explain what was going through his mind. Before the aquanaut could push the matter, the two remaining brothers strode back over, the cops immediately taking off down the small road.

"Ready?" Virgil asked with a slight smile, knowing by the looks on his brothers' faces – both older and younger – that they wanted to get away from here as much as he did. The man who had first held Virgil had already admitted the original plan of breaking into the Tracy Towers. It hadn't taken much persuasion for him to admit to the boss having taken John as well. Scott had passed over their contact details for when they needed the boys' version of things, but for now, the Tracy family was free to go home.

"Alan, in the back, _now_!" Scott barked, giving his youngest brother a slight shove towards the back of the car as he spoke. As John glanced in confusion at Virgil, the artist shook his head, a clear sign that John simply did not want to know. Helping his brother into the car, Virgil found himself mirroring John's earlier actions and smiling softly. Despite the trip being a near catastrophe, sensing the relief radiating out from his star-loving brother, Virgil couldn't help but wonder whether it had done what it was supposed to do after all. It had made John truly part of the family once again.

"Before you _drive_ someone round the bend," Gordon cut in, chortling as he slipped into the back with his youngest brother, receiving a glare for his efforts. Despite it being a bit of a squeeze, all five brothers did manage to fit into the car, and barely an hour after they had sped from the city, the car coasted slowly back in again, the family once again reunited.

TBTB

Swinging his legs down from the bed, John slipped silently off the furniture, holding his breath as his feet touched the floor. Thinking he had managed to get away with it, the blond sighed in relief, only to have the infirmary doors swish open at exactly the same moment.

"Going somewhere, Johnny?" Virgil asked casually, raising an eyebrow in an uncanny impression of Scott.

"Um... no?" John offered feebly, shooting his brother a sheepish grin before heaving himself back on the bed. "What's happening between Scott and Alan?"

"Big brother isn't happy with the stunt the kid pulled in New York." Crossing the infirmary, Virgil grinned at the quizzical look John shot him as he made sure to keep one hand behind his back.

"I would have loved to have seen his face," John muttered, leaning back on the pillows with a tired grin. After much prompting, Gordon had finally recounted to John precisely what had happened, causing Alan to slip down in his seat, his face burning. Unable to be angry at the kid – Scott had that covered enough, and besides, Alan's actions might have saved his life – John had merely left his biggest brother to deal with it. There was no way he was going to do anything to isolate a member of the family, no matter what they had done., Not when he had only just got them back again.

"It was a bit of a sight," Virgil agreed. Finally revealing what he had in his hands, Virgil couldn't help but laugh at the joyful expression on John's face.

"Don't tell Scott," he muttered, handing John the coffee before hitching himself up onto the end of his brother's bed. Luckily, John's head wound had only been minor compared to what it could have been, but with the drama of the last few days, Jeff had still insisted his second-born spent a few hours in the infirmary, just to make sure.

"You're awesome, little brother."

"Something like that," Virgil chuckled, unable to hold back his smile as John took a sip, a look of bliss shooting over his face. Before anything more could be said, the doors burst open somewhat violently.

"Scott's grounded me!"

Sharing a look with Virgil, John lasted all of about two seconds at the put-out expression on Alan's face before he burst out laughing.

"Can he even _do_ that?" Alan continued; his voice demanding as he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at two of his other older brothers. Pretending to contemplate the matter, Virgil frowned, although his eyes sparkled in amusement.

"Well, you could always run it past Dad if you aren't sure..."

"No way!" Alan all but yelped, before sighing and running a hand through his hair. "I guess I'm lucky really."

Reaching out the hand that wasn't grasping his mug, John made a show of messing up his brother's hair, smiling at the forlorn look on his littlest brother's face. Considering everything that the family had just been through, it was nice to see Alan feeling annoyed about ordinary teenager stuff.

"How long you got left of Spring Break, kiddo?"

"Another two weeks," Alan mumbled, suddenly not looking so confident as the memories of what had already happened came crashing back over him. Squeezing his shoulder gently, John traded looks with Virgil, the younger man grinning when he seemed to realise what was going through his brother's head.

"Can you be grounded if you aren't on the planet?" John asked casually, taking another sip of his drink as he waited for Alan to catch onto what he meant. For a long moment, the kid just looked confused, before delight sprang into his eyes.

"Seriously?"

"My 'bird needs some attention, but Dad doesn't want me up there alone," John responded with a shrug, keeping his voice light. In all honesty, it had been John who had said he didn't want to be alone. He was ready to go back, he knew he was. But the thought of being alone once more still gave him the shudders somewhat. It had come as a welcome surprise when Jeff had mentioned he was thinking of using Five as the starting point for Alan's training. That way, Alan would be able to feel like he was leaving the catastrophic events of the first times he was formally allowed in the 'birds behind him, and John would have company.

In his mind, it was everything he had hoped for.


	7. Epilogue

**And here it is, the final chapter! I cannot thank you enough for those gorgeous reviews, especially those I can't respond directly too. I've been overwhelmed by the response to this, thank you so much! Hope you enjoy this final ****instalment. Another huge thank you to Bee for being an amazing beta!**

John cradled his mug casually in his hands, letting the warmth seep into him as he stared out into the depths of space. Sighing contently, he had to smile. Just as he was thinking that he ought to actually get on with some work rather than just staring out of the window, his watch suddenly vibrated. Flicking it casually with his finger, John didn't even look down.

"Hey, Scott."

"How...how did you know it was me?" The uncertainty in his older brother's voice made John smirk fondly, finally glancing down at his watch. Predictably Scott had a confused look on his face, not quite realising how John had known without looking.

"Alan's in class, Gordon should – if his timing lately is anything to go by – be pounding out laps and I've only just shut Virgil up."

It had been three weeks since John had returned to Five. The first two were both the best and worst experiences of John's life. It had been hard being back up there; especially as the damage from the Hood's attack was everywhere he looked. Everything from the control panel being all but fried down to the coffee machine having exploded; ruins and chaos haunted him at every turn he took. It was almost as if it was reflecting just how much of a mess _he_ had been. But with Alan up there with him, he had managed to banish the demons, knowing that he had to keep strong in order not to freak out the kid. And, just as the family had managed to slowly piece John back together on the island, the two blond sons of Jeff Tracy had slowly, but surely begun returning Five to her former glory, Brains bringing Fermat up for the day once they had returned to the island themselves.

When Jeff and Scott had arrived to take Alan home and back to school, John had found some of his old feelings resurfacing. He knew that this was the moment that they had all been waiting for, waiting to see how he would react to being left on his own. But when Jeff had given him a deep, searching look, almost as if he was seeing into his son's very soul, John knew the answer. He was ready. Five was as much his home as the island was, and right now, she needed him. And if he was honest, John needed his 'bird. The day to day tasks of getting her back up to scratch kept his mind occupied for the most part, and when the first rescue since the attack had been called in, John knew he was truly home. The excitement in Gordon's voice when he had told his brother all about how he thought that the child must have been killed in the earthquake, only to find the little boy still alive and waiting to be rescued was still replaying around the blond's mind. This was where the world needed him to be, he knew that now. The rescue might not have even been picked up on Five's damaged autopilot systems. John had been forced to scramble the signal more than once to try and get the reading through. But if had been worth it. And hearing the success being reported back, John had felt a rush of pride at the role he had played in bringing it about. He knew full well that should he be on the island, he would be constantly subjected to the concerned glances from the rest of the family, and right now, John didn't need that. He needed time and space to get his thoughts together, and ironically, it was Five that provided him with just that.

It wasn't as if his brothers gave him the chance to feel alone, not with the amount of contact they were making. If anything, John was finding that he had to cut them off in order to get anything else done. He knew Alan's schedule like the back of his hand, knew precisely when the kid would be around to have a chat and when he was most likely to be doing something else. It also hadn't been a guess when he had told Scott that Gordon would be swimming laps given the time of the day; his second youngest brother also had a surprisingly strict routine that he was sticking to. If anything, the whole ordeal had really opened John's eyes to his redheaded sibling. He had always thought Gordon had been the most laid-back of the brothers, and yet the fact that the aquanaut always called him at almost exactly the same time each day showed him otherwise. Virgil and Scott were calling in whenever they got a spare moment.

"You really are okay, aren't you, kid?"Scott said fondly, rolling his eyes at the way John seemed to know everything that was going on. As he predicted, his little brother immediately pulled a face at Scott's choice of name, causing the older man to smirk. It was nice to see the old John returning, although Scott would have done anything to rewind time and stop him from disappearing in the first place.

"So what did Virg want?" the pilot continued, wondering what Virgil could have spent so long talking about. He had been curious as to where his younger brother had disappeared off to over an hour ago, but judging by the look on John's face, the blond had been subjected to a long chat. Not that John minded, he felt like he had missed out a lot over the last few months as he had slowly withdrawn into himself. The small, day-to-day details of his brothers' lives had disappeared, and the astronaut was determined that he was going to get them all back again. Not that Virgil had put up much of a fuss, however, instead going on about anything and everything that came into his mind. Not that John had had a particular interest in how bad the latest replica of a famous painting was, but if Virgil was happy, then that suited his big brother.

"A run-down on the universe," John responded with a laugh, finally turning away and heading back towards the small kitchen. Dumping his cup on the side with the intention of sorting it out later, he hitched himself up onto the counter in order to carry on the conversation with his brother. There had been something he had been putting off asking Scott ever since he had returned, but knew that if they were finally going to put what had happened behind them, he had to get things cleared up.

"Scotty?"

"Yeah?" Catching onto the tone of his brother's voice, Scott couldn't help but feel the familiar flicker of nerves shoot through his stomach. Every time John sounded uncertain, his big brother was immediately transported back onto the beach, a sobbing John pleading to not have to go back to Five. Scott had to admit he was not happy that his brother was back on the space station so soon, but Jeff had reassured his son that John had practically begged to go back. He had used the analogy of falling off a bike, the only way being to get straight back on. Even so, that hadn't stopped Scott from constantly making contact with his brother, just to reassure himself if nothing else that the younger man was coping. And if he was honest, Scott couldn't see any evidence that he wasn't.

"Did I really disconnect that quickly after calling in rescues?"

Silence fell on the other end of the line, but John knew that Scott was just thinking about the best way to respond to his brother. John hadn't really thought about what he had been doing, Gordon's words opening his eyes for the first time. But he needed to know quite how prepared to shut them out he had been. For if he didn't know that, then how could he hope to make up for it?

"Yeah, Johnny, you did," Scott responded heavily, any humour vanishing from his voice. Without looking at his watch, John knew his brother well enough to know that Scott would be running a hand through his hair whilst he figured out what to tell John.

"How quick?" Knowing what his big brother was like in wanting to shield him from things he didn't think the younger man needed to know, John pushed the matter. He had to know exactly what he had done, how much of an idiot he had been during those months of withdrawing into himself, shutting his family off.

"We never even got the chance to say goodbye by the end."

This time, it was John's end of the line where silence fell. The quietness of Scott's voice showed that the same thing was running through his brother's mind as it was John's. The last rescue he had called in, apart from checking in with their father the night Alan had arrived back on the island, had been one such case. Meaning that they had never said goodbye before the missile hit. Working in the rescue business coupled with their own personal losses had given the Tracys an appreciation of just how much it meant to be able to say goodbye to a loved one. And John had denied them that opportunity.

"Shit, Scott. I'm...gees, man, I'm really sorry."

"Don't sweat it, space-face," Scott muttered, but John could tell that the humour in his voice was forced. This had affected his big brother as much as it had affected John. But for Scott, it was more than that. He couldn't rid himself of the hurt look on Gordon's face when John had just cut them off. And now that he was thinking back on it, Scott could easily bring to mind the troubled look that had shot between the prankster and his immediate older brother when John's portrait had gone blank once again.

"But Scott, I..."

One glance at his little brother's face, and Scott knew that John was more than aware what his actions had done to the family. But like John, Scott too simply wanted to move on. If John started dwelling on how much he had hurt them by shutting himself away, it would be just as destructive as him thinking they hadn't noticed. This time, however, Scott felt his big brother instincts kick firmly in. He could have lost John, lost them _all_, more than once in the last month. He was not going to let it happen again.

"John. Drop it." The firm note in Scott's voice got through to his brother, and sighing, John nodded his understanding. Absentmindedly swinging his legs back and forth against the counter, John ran his hand through his own hair.

"How did we get to this, Scott?"

"We were idiots," Scott responded, somewhat shortly as he locked eyes with John, making sure that his brother got the message that no one was to blame. "But now we know, and - unlike Gordon's normal approach - we learn from it and move on. It's not going to happen again, John."

"You're right, it's not," John said firmly, jumping off the counter and meandering his way through to the control area. Scott was right, all they could do was learn from it and make sure that it never happened again. Flicking a couple of switches, John jumped back with a curse as the button in front of him sparked dramatically before letting out a billow of thick smoke.

"John? John, are you okay?"

Coughing slightly, John found that he had to laugh.

"My girl's fighting back."

As Scott let out a muffled snort, John found his grin widening. Unable to stop himself, he was soon finding himself clutching the back of his – slightly cindered - command chair, breathless with laughter. The whole situation was so absurd and the family had been through so much that John found any other reaction was almost impossible. It wasn't only his 'bird that was fighting back, but him as well. No more was he just the Space Monitor, but once again part of the family.

Watching his brother try to gain control of himself, Scott raised his eyebrows. He hadn't seen John that relaxed for a very long time. He certainly hadn't been like that on the island, that was for sure. Suddenly smiling himself, he waited until John had managed to somewhat shakily draw a breath before speaking.

"It's good to have you back, Johnny."

"It's good to be back," John said quietly, meeting Scott's eyes and smiling. Finally in control of himself, he then proceeded to navigate himself into his chair. Gingerly reaching out a hand, he somehow managed to transfer Scott onto the main screen without the whole thing blowing up on him. Things may have been broken, but they certainly weren't beyond fixing.

"Hey, son."

His eyes flickering past Scott's shoulder, John grinned at seeing his father emerge. Before he could say anything however, John heard an ominous creak. Glancing down in confusion, his mouth opened in alarm.

"Whoa!" That was all he had time to say, however, before he abruptly disappeared from sight with a thud and a somewhat muffled curse.

"John! John, are you okay? Where _are_ you?" The last part of Scott's questioning had him voicing his apparent confusion as to where his little brother had disappeared to. One moment, John had been sitting there, actually looking back in control for once. But now, he was nowhere to be seen. As he watched, a hand appeared at the bottom of the screen, giving him the thumbs up sign.

"I'm good." John's voice came floating back through the comms, and father and son couldn't help but trade relieved smiles at the laughter in John's voice.

"What happened, Johnny?" Jeff asked, navigating his way around his oldest son and perching on the edge of the desk. He could hear quite clearly that John was alright, despite having vanished.

"The damn chair broke."

For a moment, silence fell. But unlike the silence that had existed between the brothers not five minutes ago, this was a companionable one. The tension had all but vanished now everything had been voiced. There was nothing John was holding back on, not anymore. And there was no way his family was going to let him hold back again. Instead, they were making contact at every chance they got, reassuring themselves as much as their space-bound brother that John really had returned to them.

"The chair broke?" Scott asked, sounding more than incredulous. John could hear in his big brother's voice that Scott was desperately trying not to simply burst out laughing again. Finally hauling himself to his feet, John grinned ruefully.

"I may have thrown it across the station when I didn't think you were going to get here in time," he admitted, immediately causing Jeff to lean forward in concern. He had talked to John about the attack, tried to get the young man to voice everything that had gone through his head, making sure that John's mental state was as good as it could be considering everything that had happened.

"Why?"

"I hadn't said goodbye," John muttered quietly, meeting Scott's gaze briefly before dropping his eyes again. That was why he had needed to ask how quickly he had been signing off. It was only with the realisation that the station was losing power and his family had yet to arrive that had made John realise he had hadn't uttered those words for quite a while. It was in that moment he fully realised the extent of the distance that had sprung up between him and the rest of the family. Not knowing what to say – for there was certainly nothing he could do for John that the blond hadn't already done for himself – Scott smirked, trying to get himself back on familiar ground.

"Moron," he muttered fondly, wanting nothing more than to have his little brother in the room with him. To be able to give him a shove that portrayed how frustrated Scott was at the fact he had failed the star-lover, only to then turn it into a hug that showed how determined he was to make everything right again.

"Jerk," John shot back, his smile returning. With a soft nod, he tried to tell his brother without words that the message had been understood. How he would have shoved Scott straight back for being such a smother hen, but then put up with the hug in appreciation that his brother was still there for him.

"Dork." Scott's grin was widening now, a familiar banter springing up between the boys in a way that it hadn't done for a long time.

"That's enough," Jeff cut in, although his eyes were dancing in amusement at the same time. If he was honest, he had gone through more than one moment of thinking he would never hear his boys play-fighting again. He would have given anything in the world to get that side of his sons back, and watching his two eldest now, he knew that it had been achieved. He just couldn't believe that it nearly had cost him his boys before it emerged again.

"I'm getting a call coming through, talk to you in a bit," John hurriedly interrupted, his eyes sliding off the screen and onto the feeble flashing coming from the panel in front of him. He would need his full attention for this, his 'bird was still struggling to pull the calls through on her own.

"Sure thing. Report back when you have more information, son."

"F.A.B."

As Jeff reached out to disconnect the line, Scott reached out a hand, preventing his father's actions.

"Scott?"

"Goodbye, Johnny."

With a heartfelt smile, John once again returned his gaze to his brother. A feeling of contentment, of belonging, washed through him.

"Bye, Scott." With a fond shake of his head, John disconnected, turning his attention back to his malfunctioning Thunderbird.

The world needed the Thunderbirds. And the Thunderbirds needed him.

But so did his family.

**The end!**


End file.
